The Love Monster

Happy Valentines Day Fuckers

2012-02-13T23:31:00.001-08:00

"Think about how many people there are in the United States, and how many of them are going to be celebrating Valentines Day tomorrow. How many people are going to be broken up with at their Valentines day date. Think about how many people are going to finally work up the courage to propose to the person they love...and they're going to say no. Just think about how many people are going to die on Valentines day. How many people are going to crash their car and die on their way to a date, and all of the people who will be sitting at a restaurant somewhere, alone, waiting for their fiance who literally just died trying to get there. So all in all, celebrating Valentines day alone is not the worst thing that could possibly happen.

PS. A lot of people are going to get knocked up and abort it."

-Devan Moran

I will love you...

2012-02-13T23:11:00.003-08:00

just dreaming

2012-02-05T23:42:00.000-08:00

This August, one of my best friends is going to be marrying the love of her life. While half of me feels kind of sad that we are growing up and becoming adults so quickly, most of me just feels lucky as hell to even know someone my age who believes in her heart that the love she feels is... forever. That the love they share is real, worthwhile, and true. It's really quite beautiful.

So as my senior year comes to a close, I've begun thinking a lot about my future and what's in store for me. I can't even imagine being in a real relationship right now, never mind getting married or anything like that. Craaazy. Anyways, that's not even what this post was about. The fact that my best friend is getting married so soon has had me daydreaming about dresses, wedding cake, party favors, and cute little paper lanterns. I think this (decorating) will be my favorite part about getting married (assuming this is in the cards for me).

My ~dream wedding~ would be in Autumn, some place in Vermont or New Hampshire. I'd want a small ceremony and a big reception... with a giant bonfire for everyone to dance and sing around. I would be wearing a simple/chic dress, long wavy hair, etc. It would take place on a warm evening. I'd have a bluegrass band, and we'd all be sipping on hard cider and microbrews all night. lol... just dreaming.

Anyways, here's some of my wedding inspiration:

2012-01-07T20:17:00.001-08:00

For advice, questions, suggestions, and sexts... contact me at xo_thelovemonster@gmail.com or http://formspring.me/thelovemonster ;)

xoxo

My Type?

2012-01-07T19:55:00.000-08:00

As I walked through the city today, I was kind of shocked by all of the beautiful people that I saw. Okay, there's always beautiful people in the city-- but it just seemed like there were way more today. That, or I am just abnormally horny and/or observant right now. But I don't think thats it.

Beautiful people were just flocking to the city. Perhaps it was the wonderful 50 degree January weather (thank you global warming). Either way, as I plopped on top of my giant purple rolley bag (such a tourist), I just sat and watched the beautiful people go by for quite some time. So many fabulous, stylish men with perfectly fitting jeans and leather jackets. So many pretty girls with high buns and trendy peacoats. I was in a wannabe fashionista, people watching heaven. But that's not really the point of this post.

I've come to the realization that I have suuuch a type. In some ways it's a really obvious type and my friends would just be like... well, duh. But I was strangely attracted to some people that seemed to come out of nowhere. Like, whyyyy am I so attracted to these weirdos? For example, there was this guy walking through the bus station with a group of his friends. I think they were teenagers which is kind of weird but not really. Anyways, they were all wearing black, except for him. He was wearing grey and he had bright, bright blonde hair... he was also very pale. I think he's Swedish. Well, thats what I imagined in my little 30 second fantasy I had as he walked past me. He was super short which is totally out of my usual realm of attraction; probably 5'5" or something. And he kind of hopped as he walked. He totallyyy knew that people were looking at him because he was dressed kind of like a freak. I can't really describe what he was wearing but I know that it reminded me of people from that old Australian show, The Tribe.

He was hot as fuck, but at the same time he was actually kind of ugly and I'd probably be embarrassed to bring him around my friends. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't stare at him for a long time and/or potentially bang him without remorse. Whats wrong with me?

Then there was this one time at a Krishna Das show when I couldn't keep my eyes off of this blonde like, goth kid. Idk whattt the fuck he was doing at Krishna Das but he totally distracted me from getting my chant on. He was again, shortish and super blonde... he was wearing a huge cross necklace and sat in a pew all by himself for the entire night. He didn't sing, he didn't even look at Krishna Das to be honest... I guess he was just laying there listening to his voice. He intrigued me. And honestly, I usually don't even like blonde guys, really, they're kind of creepy. But this guy was a total mysterious, spirtual-goth babe and a half. After the show was over he rushed out of the church thing and ran down the street. I had a photo of him that I creepily took somewhere but I can't find it right now. I think about him from time to time and how fucked up it was that I had a boyfriend but was totally obsessing over this mystery dude. Maybe blondes are my secret fantasy, maybe I like freaks, who knows.

But back to my real type (physically speaking). I'm not going to spend a lot of time explaining but here is what I have summed up: dark hair, dark eyes, dark clothing, piercings, beards, music lovers, kind of dirty, kind of smelly, kind of blink-182ish, bohemianesque, sexually ambiguous, androgynous, not too loud but not awkwardly quiet... idk. Here is a combo of what I am into, in picture form:

Yum! Well, thats all for now. Tootles.

A Drunken Interview with Mr. Segro

2012-01-04T00:32:00.000-08:00

1. How big is your wiener? From 3-5 inches on a good day. Just kidding its 5 at least.

2. What is the most interesting sexual encounter you have ever had? My ex girlfriend and I had sex in the musical loft of the church looking down on the altar, actually that would be second... B and I had sex on a balcony in Brazil looking down on a bunch of people who could see her big ole double d's bouncing. God those were big boobs.

3. What makes you a good catch? I know that I'm not a good catch and thats what makes me a good catch. What makes me a good catch is what I said earlier, I'm scared of my future daughter getting slapped in the face with a dick. And, more than I want to have sex with a girl, I want to talk to her and find out what makes her..... just kidding.

4. When did you lose your virginity and what was it like? I was fifteen. What do you want a date? It was December 27th. Mmm she had pigtails. And, it was not as good as advertised. I expected sex to be this grand adventure but it was kind of like glorified masturbation. It feels good but I don't feel any supreme mental exhilaration.

5. What was the worst sex you've ever had? Like, what made it so terrible? I would say that the worst sex I've ever had was... pretty recent. Some girl one of my friends likes, she was sober and I was drunk... I couldn't get hard and I was trying to explain how hard it was to get a boner and she didn't get it. It was sex that wold happen for like three minutes then stop, then three minutes and stop and I'm pretty sure there was no pleasure for either of us. And I think she likes me and sent me her number and I never responded because I'm thaaaat much of an asshole.

6. Would you consider yourself a sexually adventurous person? No. I know what I like, and I think I'm fairly open... I mean, I try to accommodate myself to things like girls telling me to choke them and shit, but I don't want things shoved up my ass. I don't want anything up my ass and I don't want to put anything up anyones ass.

7. So you've never, ever had butt sex? No, Kelsey. But depending on the level of the relationship I'm always willing to try something. Hey, like if I'm willing to like marry someone I'm probably willing to try anything once. I'm big into communication, Kels.

8. What do you like most about women? 1) The laugh. 2) The smell. Perfume or whatever, something that smells girlier than me. 3) The kind of disheveled look that a girl has when she's waking up.

9. What do you like least about women? Presupposed innocence. If we're talking about cultural norms, it's often men who are pegged as being the asshole in the relationship and I find that often times its actually women... as far as I'm concerned. I go into relationships thinking i'm going to be the one that fucks things up and it usually isn't that way. And how much of a dichotomy they create between sexes. Like, to try and emphasize things that are "girly." Girls kind of have this attitude about things like "its going to be difficult for me or awkward" for me to do these things when really its not. And how fucking retarded they make me when trying to impress them. Like, I feel like a functioning retard when trying to impress them.

10. If you like a girl, how far will you go to show her you like her? What do you do? I have this situation where, I'll like a girl and It's not that I'm overly confident but I know that if I put my shit to the test I can do it because I know what girls want. And its almost manipulative in a way. So what will I do? I guess anything that it takes. If I just want to fuck someone than I'll have some drinks and just be charming for a while. But if I really like someone then I'll do a little research and find out what they like and put myself in a situation where I can be.... good at that thing. Like, if she likes foozeball, then I'll learn what I can about that and see her at the butthut and talk to her about a bunch of things and then somehow bring up foozeball, mention my expertise, never bring it to sex the first time.... yeah. This sounds incredibly methodical but its really not. If I care about someone enough I'll go out of my way to find interest in the things they care about.

11. Would you fake interest in things you absolutely don't care about? No, like if someone was really into vampires I would definitely talk about those things but I wouldn't lie and say that I was into those things. I'm not going to build something on false pretenses. But I would find a way to relate the things I care about to the things they care about, even vampires.

12. What does it take for a girl to impress you and what type of girl do you usually go for? Someone who is intelligent (that ones not as easy to find). So that I can have a conversation with her and not have to explain everything that I'm saying. I like a girl who challenges me. The last thing that I think it would take for a girl to impress me, is to sarcastically resist my charm. To the point where I feel like they like me but I feel like they don't so it's ind of sexy and nice... haha. The type of girls I usually go for are the types of girls who I don't usually think I go for. I usually go for someone who I don't understand, where I'm kind of just like... what the fuck? who is this person and why don't I understand? I like to be challenged and its oddly primal. I'm not an animal but I like to have a crush on a girl for a while and have it not be so easy to just have her. Like, boom, I got her and I had to try. I might have a little bit of a hero complex. I like girls that I have a little inkling that I could fix. I think i like to create order from chaos and I think thats human nature.

13. Whats your greatest sexual fantasy? Sex, pie (strawberry rhubarb), and a nap.

Frank Segro everybody, not an easy guy to understand... but an easy guy to love! xoxo the love monster

If I could give you any advice...

2011-12-05T22:00:00.001-08:00

It'd be to stop missing him, stop missing her. The person you once loved doesn't even exist anymore, they are changed, as are you. Everything may have seemed great back then, magical even-- but if you really think about it...even if you could go back, if you could have it all back and do it all the same, would you? Would you take all the good and the bad? Knowing what you know now? So stop missing him, stop missing her. The ache will go away, and eventually, that middle of the night hopeless stinging feeling will too. The person you once loved doesn't exist... why chase after their ghost?

this is me...

2011-11-24T23:49:00.001-08:00

in case you were wondering c;

The Love Monster Turns 22

2011-11-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

So, today is my twenty second birthday. I don't want to be cliche and say that I feel old, but I kinda do! Well, I guess I don't feel that old. But I can't stop dwelling on the fact that I am not going to be this young forever and that my youth is slowly slipping between my fingers. In a few years from now I'll start getting wrinkles and grey hair, and before I know it... my beautiful boobs will sag down to my belly button and I'll be unhappily married with a bunch of bratty kids and a red mini van. Ugh! Its no wonder that this is the first birthday in quite a long time where I haven't felt much excitement at all.

But in all honesty, after thinking back on the last year and looking forward to the future; I realized that I actually learned a lot of valuable lessons during my time being 21... and I really am excited about all of the mystery and possibility that being 22 will entail. This is a big year for me! I am going to be graduating college and moving onto the ~next chapter of my life. This is also the first time in a while that I've been single during my birthday... which is pretty cool in itself. I actually rang in my 22nd birthday high as balls and making out with an 18 year old boy. Faack, off an exciting start I guess! lol

With that being said, this post is going to be a reflection on the past and a testament to my future as a lovely little 22 year old woman; single, graduating college, and exploring my identity as a solitary practicing witch.

The past:

Nothing lasts forever. It's not that I didn't know this before, but it became increasingly relevant this year. I turned 21 being totally in love with someone that I had no doubt I'd spend a long, long time with. And like all things, our relationship faded and died (rather quickly). I've learned to really appreciate the present and I'm trying to remember that everyday. With each day that goes by, things don't always seem so different... life seems to just melt together and then one day you wake up and everything has changed. The little things that I may not have cared much about last year (certain hangouts with friends, moments with my boyfriend, dinners, parties, nights at the river, etc) are the things I find myself reminiscing about the most. But again, I know nothing lasts forever... and how things are at the moment is really all I have... & that's a lovely thing indeed. So yeah, I've learned that everything dies and everything changes & it'll be to my benefit to soak in the moments as they come to me.
Never let anyone make you feel inferior. I spent my summer with someone who continuously made me feel like shit. He was the only person I have ever let treat me like this, all because I was too weak and crazy to get away. I was foolish. And by not walking away from it, I was basically giving him consent to make me feel terrible. Every time you don't stand up for yourself, you pretty much are saying, "It's okay to treat me like badly, I acknowledge and accept this behavior. I deserve it." I know that it's hard to get away from situations like these, but it's important.
When in doubt, think... what would Beyonce do right now?
Kiss as many people as you want. Yep, I learned this! Kissing is fun and therapeutic. Kiss boys, kiss girls, kiss everyone. You're only young once! :)
Don't waste your time waiting for people to change... because they probably won't. This goes for friendships and relationships. If you are having major issues with someones personality, try and work through it once but if it doesn't workout... don't sweat it. You can't please everyone, and don't waste your time on those who can't please you.
You have to be your own number one priority. You can't be constantly worrying about everyone else's issues; its emotionally draining and just not fun. Pamper yourself and make sure that you are okay before you take on other people's problems. There are therapists for a reason...
Be clear with your intentions. Don't lead people on. Don't make someone like you just to get the attention of anyone. People aren't there to be played with or to make you feel better... so be genuine on your romantic endeavors.

The Future:

More self discipline. I have just about none at this point. I can't really force myself to do much and that's an issue. This year, I hope to practice more self discipline by not pressing snooze more than once, washing my dishes as I cook, and practicing tarot on a weekly basis. It's just a start.,.. but anything is better than where I am in that area now :)
Sleep more regularly. Staying up all night and sleeping in really fucked things this semester. Time to try something new?
Make love known. I hope to keep in touch with all of my loved ones, and make sure that they know I haven't forgotten about them and that they are on my mind all the time. They are all deserving of my time and my love just as much as I am theirs.
Stop worrying, stop dwelling. This fucks everything up. Remember this!!!
Be intentional with everything you do. Be precise. Don't act without thought.
Dont worry about how you appear to others. Don't worry about how they perceive your personality.
You're a goddess, you're a goddess, you're a goddess. Don't forget that.
Stop binge drinking. The results are never good.
Save money. Cut up credit card before January, end use for good. Pay off debt by 2012.
Make the best of every moment at GMC. The clock is ticking, its almost the end... have I done and said everything I've been wanting to? Now is my only chance.
Don't be afraid of love.
Be true.

Advice for young girls~

2011-11-06T22:59:00.000-08:00

in case you were wondering...

2011-10-07T22:33:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of young boys who don't have a clue. I'm sick of your smell. I'm tired of the way you lay your chest on me lazily and thrust without rhythm. I hate the alcohol and the fakeness of it. I'm tired of not remembering your words, or my own... The way I don't even want to look at you.

I keep pretending... that I care for you, that this is worth my time. Its all a distraction, a waste. And I guess it's not your fault. I have never told you the truth, I never will. To me you are nothing, and to you I am the same. Lets keep it that way...

I want something genuine, or someone rather. I want sober conversation and sober kisses. That spark. The illumination. The feeling when you just... know.

I'm waiting...

Condoms

2011-09-19T20:19:00.000-07:00

wear them. always. do you really want to get pregant? do you really want her to get pregnant and decide to keep it? do you have the money to pay for an abortion anyways? probably not. i know i don't. plus, you never who could be secretly hoarding a basement full of STD's... and herpes doesn't discriminate!

ugh.

2011-07-28T16:54:00.000-07:00

If theres one thing this breakup has done to me, its turn me into a raging psycho bitch when I am drunk. I decided that, for now at least, I don't feel like reveling on my ~feelings about the breakup or anything like that... but rather, the person I have become as a result-- and I'm being honest when I say, I'm not sure if I like it.

Going immediately from being with him to having a "thing" with someone else has been an interesting experience, and I definitely don't regret it. However, when I drink its like I am the most needy, possessive woman you can find. Stupid little things trigger me and I fliiiiiip out. Its a side of myself I've never seen before and I hope to never see again.

Why do I act like this? Well, because I'm drunk for one and when I drink theres about a 50/50 chance that I'll turn into another person if I'm not having a good day (and sometimes even when I am). Im filling a void within myself with my friends and this boy and I've gotta stop before I lose them all.

I consistently find myself repeating the words "what would beyonce do right now" in my mind but I never actually follow through with the actions. I let my insecurity get the best of me and it fucks things up.

Somethings gotta change, and I need to stop drinking before things get any worse.

Interview with a friend

2011-04-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

What type of guys do you usually go for?

Well, a goodlooking stoner type that has lots of friends. Basically the life of the party type. And, I'm going to be honest, for some reason I tend to go for guys who have cheated on a previous girlfriend before.

Do you purposly go for guys who have cheated on girls before?

Not intentionally, but it's definitely a pattern.

What do you like your "men" to look like physically?

I don't think I have that much of a preference. I don't really like short guys because I'm short. I like tall guys who are like relatively fit but I don't like guys who are really musclar or sporty. I like guys who look like they don't care. Yeah, I'm attracted to that.

Why should someone wanna date you? What makes you a good catch?

Well, I don't think I would ever cheat on someone... so yeah, I'm trustworthy. I'm pretty low-maintenence, basically don't be a dick and we're good. I like to lay in bed all day and watch movies. I'm not sensitive about guys having friends that are girls, it just doesn't bother me. And, I like my body and I think I'm good looking. I think I have a good sense of humor too. And I don't have seriously high standards, like, I don't pick apart the little things about someone.

So whats it like being single in the middle of nowhere VT? Kinda boring, kinda confusing, idk. I'm new this year so... its kind of like people stick to their own groups here and its really hard to meet new people. It seems like guys here are really okay with sleeping with someone and disregarding the whole situation. Like, they don't care about making it more... people are either hooking up with someone else or they are taken. Or gay. Definitely found out a guy I had a huge crush on is gay.

Whats your best physical feature? Definitely my boobs.

What do you hope your future is like? Are you into the whole marriage and kids thing or would you rather be "free"? I don't fantasize about getting married or anything, I'd actually be more excited about the kid thing. I'd like it if I basically just happen to get into a relationship with the right person and they end up being the right one.

Are you romantic? Whats your idea of romance? No, I wouldn't say I'm really romantic. I'd say honest romance. Just like telling someone how you feel and having a good day is romantic. I find simplicity to be romantic. Like little things just showing me you were listening to me are better than some limo ride or flowers.

Do you like it when people touch your boobs? Yeah.

Both guys and girls? Yes, actually.

Have you ever made out with a girl before? Yeah.

Thats it? Umm, yeah I think. There's been some fondling but thats about it.

So, are you seeing anybody? Uhhh well what do you mean by seeing anybody.

Well, are you sleeping with anyone? No

Do you wish you were? Yes, absolutely.

Whats the best sexual experience you've ever had? Well, I've never had sex with someone that I was in love with. So I guess my answer will probably change when that happens. The first thing I could think of was how I really like to have sex when no one else knows. I like the secretive aspect.

When you have sex, who brings the protection? I would expect him to bring the condoms, but I usually do.

How do you feel about one night stands? I don't like the idea of one night stands, but I've had them. I feel like they usually only happen when people are drunk...

Do you enjoy giving head? No, but I don't dislike it. I don't like prefer to do it but if someone I like wants it then I'll feel more inclined to do it!

Do you like recieving it? Yeah, obviously. What girl doesn't?

Would you date a guy if he refused to go down on your? No!

Have you ever been cummed on? Yeah. On my stomach. Not on my face or anything... I think thats mean lol

Do you have any fetishes? I like hair pulling... and ass smacking.

Have you ever had anal sex? No

Would you? Yes, I actually think I'd really like it.

Whats your sexual fantasy? Where would it happen, what would happen, etc etc? On a table... everything I said before. Hair pulling, ass smacking, all that. Theres this scene in weeds that I think is really hot, she was smoking a cigg in a bar and the bartender told her to put it out. He was really rugged... blue eyes and a scruffy beard. She didn't put it out, and she kicked everyone else out of the bar and locked the door. He put her ciggarette out, yanked her hair back and said "you don't listen, do you?" She said no and they fucked right on the bar. Yeah, I'd like that to happen.

Name your top 3 celebrity crushes~ Aragorn (aka vigo mortenson but only in character), James Franco, and Gerard Butler!

xoxo

stop talking about your fucking weight pt. 2

2011-04-16T16:11:00.001-07:00

"Scientifically, there is perfect weight. We can complain about how bad we do on a test or a fight we had a friend, but because the person we are complaining to can't directly relate to themselves, it makes it okay? My wanting to talk about eating well and working out doesn't make me "vapid." Having my own goals and knowing what I am capable of makes me a stronger person. Complaining about gaining weight means "I am not working as hard as I usually do." If you all work out for two weeks and eat well I promise you will feel better. Just as this blogger has the right to express her opinion, I have mine. It is selfish to relate everything back to yourself when your friend is opening herself up and expressing her opinion to you."

This is a comment that someone had left and then deleted (on the last post). I really appreciate this comment so I'm going to respond to it anyways. There actually isn't a "perfect" weight scientifically. There are suggested weights, all relative to height. However, it is still absolutely possible to live a healthy life even if you aren't near that suggested weight. And women shouldn't have to feel pressure to reach that weight nevertheless, as sometimes peoples bodies just aren't set up like that and that is perfectly okay. Also, it is obviously acceptable to talk about personal goals and such with friends when it comes to eating healthy, working out and etc. I didn't mean for it to sound like people's friends should censor themselves when it comes to the things they care about, all I meant by that post is that really... there is a time and a place to talk about weight and people need to be sensitive about who they discuss it around as there are obviously people who care. Constant worry and discussion about weight-loss and looks actually is pretty superficial. Complaining about weight, for most people, isn't saying "I'm not working as hard as i usually do." I think it is reasonable to assume that when most people complain about gaining weight, it is a complaint about their physical appearance. And in my opinion, people need to sensitive about who they say these things around because it can be upsetting to others. And like I said before, it is triggering to hear others worry about their weight. It really is. Sure, it might not be "fair" to the other person to always bring it back to an analysis of self, but it is unfair for that person to have to go through that comparison/analysis in the first place. I agree that going to the gym and working out for a long time will make people feel better both inside and out. I am not saying that it is wrong to care about what you look like and what you feel like, but stressing about your physical appearance and vocalizing that stress to others is an issue. In my opinion, a persons worth isn't defined by their appearance or their weight. Calling yourself fat or being upset about your weight (esp when you are already skinny) reinforces the idea that skinny women are better and fat is bad... which is wrong. Again, I don't want anyones friends or my friends to feel like they can't speak to me about things they are struggling with... but I am not alone in saying that talking about weight is often superficial, bothersome and never helpful to anyone.

stop talking about your fucking weight

2011-04-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Some people don't realize how triggering it is to hear others talk about how much weight they've gained or how fat they feel or whatever else. I don't think a lot of skinny people realize how hard it is to be 'bigger.' I know I am not overweight or anything, but I do feel as though I am a culturally sensitive person and I know when to shut my mouth. I am not someone to go around complaining about my weight or my body. Do I have my insecurities? Yes. But do other people really need to hear about them? No. When super-thin people talk about how depressed they feel about gaining weight, it is triggering for those who are larger than them. The thought goes through their head, "well, if they care about how big they are.... shouldn't I?" And that just isn't okay. Personally, I love my body... but I find myself seriously questioning my self confidence and what I look like when I am surrounded by others who care so much. Constantly talking about weight, about eating, about working out, about being fat, about whatever else that goes along with it. I don't know how I can explain this more clearly, I am sick of vapid conversations about losing weight and getting skinny and counting calories; I wish people would just shut the hell up. This goes for people online (tumblr and similar sites) and in real life.

Grow up, expand as a person. Realize that you are more than your physical body. Your physical body is so fucking impermanent its a waste of time to stress so much about it. While obviously working out and being ~fit~, whatever your personal definition of that may be, is healthy... women should not have to care so deeply about their weight, and I am very serious about this. WHY expend so much energy caring about something so vapid and meaningless? Your body does not define who you are. And for those who do spend time working on their bodies and such, I don't wish for you to be offended by this blog because thats really not what this is about.

Its about getting over your insecurity and body complex and ending the fat intolerance. Stop hating your fat. And if that isn't possible, shut up and stop triggering others to feel the same way you do (it may be hard to believe but not everyone wants to be rail thin).

Now is the time to end the era of shame and hatred for your body. Do what makes you happy, but be sensitive and realize that the things you talk about do have an impact on the people around you. In the same way that the media molds our minds and the way we see ourselves, so does the way you speak and act. Don't trigger others to care just because you do.

Willard

2011-04-10T23:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Ex Boyfriend,

2011-04-06T23:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I'm taking the time to write about you, I really should be doing homework; I should be writing about things other than you. But here I am anyways, at that weird part of the night when everyone else is sleeping and you're still awake, pondering the past and dwelling over the "what ifs'." Cliche, I know. But on occasion I can't help but miss you. I remember when people used to say that we would get married someday, and I would cringe and think about how unlike me you were. How turned off I was to your pompousness, to the silly things you cared about, and your friends. Ugh, definitely didn't like your friends.

Thats not what this is about though, I'm really not writing to explain that we were completely different people and probably never should have met, I'm writing because I haven't in a long time... and I feel like you might miss my letters on occasions such as these. I remember the first time I met you, and I won't get into the embarrassing details but I hope you know that I'll never forget that night. How silly and young we were, how much fun we had. And I'll never forget your truck, and the way we would drive around aimlessly for hours in the dead of winter; navigating through our snowglobe town. Or that time on Easter, when we finally snuck away from everyone else...

I still have all of your notes stashed away in an old box, I look at them from time to time. We thought we were in love, you know? And maybe we were, but I can't even remember your number, or your smell-- How could you expect me to remember if we were in love?

I'm glad you're happy now though, and settled. I had a feeling thats how things would end up. You were always too proper for me, always intelligent and put together. I wasn't, which is why we made sense. Like straight out of a teen movie: I was the weird ~alternative girl and you were the.... well, you know what you were (and still are).

One time I was trying to fall asleep and I was laying in the dark listening to some old songs, the ones that weren't mainstream enough for you to appreciate, but always made me think of you; and I was brought back to that time at the park, when you pushed me on the swingset... and that hug in the front yard that I'll never forget. I've wondered whether or not you'd remember that hug. You said you wouldn't, but we both said a lot of things.

...And before I say goodbye, I just think you should know that I'm glad you didn't wait for me that summer. I know you're glad too.

Embracing Confidence

2011-04-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

There is nothing wrong with believing, or knowing, that you are beautiful. Our society puts so much pressure on women to try and look perfect but remain without confidence. As a woman, you are expected to live up to the standards of beauty as defined by television, the magazines, and various other forms of media (inspiration sites like tumblr, in particular). You must look like them, you must act like them, but you will never be them.

And its funny, I notice things like this in interactions with friends sometimes. If you say that you look beautiful, or that you are beautiful, or even that you are really good at something-- people are easily offended. I once said that "I am really good at design" to one of my friends and she just looked at me with a puzzled expression and was just like "wow, narcissistic much?" (note: it was hardly sarcasm) But to me, thats not narcissism, its honesty. If you are good at something, or are proud of something, why should you be ashamed to express it? Especially in a society where there is so much emphasis on trying to achieve it. Well, in my opinion, you shouldn't feel ashamed. This is a huge step in breaking down the oppressive patriarchal society that still exists today. Admit that you are beautiful, intelligent, creative, good at science, etc etc etc... the list fucking goes on. Whatever you are good at, say it- and believe it.

Obviously there is a thin line between being inherently confident and merely bragging or being "egotistical". Don't be afraid, when the moment calls for it, to admit your strengths... but be practical and acknowledge that there is a time and a place for everything. Knowing and fully realizing what you are good at is a positive quality, one which I hope more people will strive to become more accepting of. :)

I think a good practice is just admitting to yourself that you are "good" at whatever. I'd suggest taking some time to reflect and write down all of the wonderful parts of you. From your appearance, to your personal qualities, to your talents... what makes you who you are? After you write everything down, take a good look at the list and acknowledge that you shouldn't be ashamed to admit any of these things.

ps. strong, attractive, intelligent, confident women are endlessly sexy.

yes please

2011-03-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

you're my bff, really.

2011-03-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

In high school we spend most of our days surrounded by the same groups of people. Classmates, friends, team mates, neighbors; whoever they are, most of them won't end up meaning much in the long run. You will graduate, and upon graduating you will wonder if you will ever see them again outside of the internet. You will wonder, "wow, is this the last time I'll ever be in the same room with all of these people?" And the answer is probably yes. Just like fashions fade and fizzle out, so will your relationships and friendships...so will the awkward smiles at the girl you weren't really friends with but always liked, the one you never got the chance to tell that you thought her writing was neat and that her hair matches her eyes perfectly. So will the boy you had always had a crush on, the one with the girlfriend, the one who is now married. While you are in high school, most moments seem so meaningless, and maybe they actually are. But that doesn't mean that they are any less powerful. The people you meet and spend time with are your teachers, your guides to life. Really, after high school... you go out into the world and figure out for yourself who you are and what kind of people you want to spend time with. What kind of people do you want to call your friends? How do they make you feel? Are they like or unlike the ones from your younger years?

But, after high school, you'll try to be friends with those girls again. All of the ones that you never really meshed with in the first place. The ones who cared about the gossip and the older girls while you would immerse yourself in music and magazines. You're gonna try, you'll plan visits to see eachother at school, you'll smile and wave, you'll all meet up for dinner a few times too. But it'll fade. It always does.

Except for the special ones, if you're lucky. I know I am. Not everyone has these people, but... some do. The people whose souls melt with yours, the ones whose spirits seem to be perfectly aligned with your own. The people who you can go months and months without seeing and then hang out again as if nothing ever changed, as if you were still the same people who love the same things. As if your worlds haven't shifted from what they once were. Its still the same with these people, the special ones.

Even the people you meet in college probably won't compare. Its not the same, the ones from home and the ones from school. They don't know your history, your roots, the way you've changed. They didn't know the young girl who was afraid of the world and scared of the future. They didn't know the way you awkwardly cut your hair that year in an attempt to look older but really just ended up looking silly, they didn't know that your first love was really an asshole because of that one time that he ditched you at the movies.... or how you contemplated whether or not you were just a character in a fucked up movie as you chased his plane as he left the state, his cd's as a sound track. They don't know who you were, which leaves them incapable of knowing who you really are now.

But they are still important. They see the grown up you. They know the way that you've matured even from the point that you got here. The way you went from wearing daisies in your hair to black from head to feet. They see you struggle, they see your youth... your progression. These friends, they become your family. You live with them and eat with them, cry with them and fight with them. Its a never-ending battle of love and hate, usually resulting in a lot of drunken love. But its beautiful, because it is so young and so short lived. We only have these four years, and again, we will fade and fizzle.

But its alright. From this group too, there will be the special ones. The ones who have crawled so deeply into your heart that you couldn't rip them out even if you want to. The ones who know how your feeling even if you haven't said a word, the ones who make you feel.

Don't be afraid to hold on, but realize that you are going to have to let go eventually. All of these crazy, fucked up, beautiful people you meet are your guides and your gurus. While not everyone is spiritually aligned with you, not everyone is going to make your heart ache and your cheeks swell from smiling; they still matter as they are a part of your ever changing world. Embrace each person, even if just for a moment, and walk on...

the special ones will be always be walking beside you. always.

On Doing What's Right:

2011-03-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

I used to say that I would hook up with someone who was in a relationship and not really care about it because it wasn't my issue or my relationship so I have no obligation to care. However, I don't even think I really felt like that at all. Where was this even coming from? I've never done it before and can't say I ever would. Although, the situation has never really presented itself to me so I can't say that in total honesty. Who knows what I would do. I just have serious issues with people who go out of their way to flirt with or be sexually agressive to someone who is in a relationship. Do you have no heart? No respect for yourself or for others? This isn't an issue of someone being "slutty" or anything like that, its an issue of morality. Where do you draw the line between what is acceptable and what is unacceptable in a situation like that?

Is it okay to hook up with/have relations with someone who is in a relationship if they make the first move? If they are the one making advances? Or is it never okay at all? I guess I'd say it really depends on the situation, but I am beginning to have serious issues with people who will purposely try to go after people who are "taken".

All I can say is, I know I would be very very upset if I was cheated on. Not only would I be upset with my "partner", but also the other woman if she knew what she was doing. I used to think that was silly, but its just realistic. I feel like there should be a bond, an unspoken respect between women where we acknowledge our boundries and act in what I like to call, good faith. Obviously, the same goes for guys... but thats not my issue personally. This is an idealistic thought and I know it will never happen, people are going to go after what they want no matter the circumstances... but I do have some friends who are very serious about avoiding people in relationships and this gives me a lot of hope. Why aren't there more people like them in the world?

/rant

Simple Relationship Tips~

2011-02-10T19:27:00.000-08:00

Listen. Don't just hear, actually listen... theres a big difference.

Don't fully rely on your emotions. Emotions are silly tricksters that can get the best of you if you don't control them. Listen to your heart, but don't forget to consult your brain!

Kindness, honesty, trust, and FUN are keywords in relationships. Don't forget about them.

Be a good friend. It is important to see your partner as both a lover and a friend in order to reach a harmonious balance.

Don't play games, we're not in middle school anymore.

Don't let anyone abuse you or make you do anything you aren't comfortable doing. Always demand respect.

When in an established/serious relationship, continue to show your lover that you appreciate him/her. Little things like surprising your partner with flowers, dinner, or a cute love-note are simple ways to start.

Try to see your partners point of view. Don't hold grudges or get too angry, agree to disagree.

Respect your lover's individuality.

Be sincere about the compliments you give out.

The Kink Factor- pt 1

2011-01-27T12:04:00.000-08:00

Ludacris wasn't lying when he said he wanted a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets, and he isn't the only one. Who doesn't want ~freaky sex once in a while? or all the time for that matter?

If you want to increase the kink factor in your sex life, try these lovely tricks:

1. Anal (ish). I mean, not everyone is into it... but you never know until you ask or try. Make sure your partner is into it, and give it a go. While you are fucking, guide his hand to your backside and gently push his finger(s) inside, and try the same on him if he's up for it. Some people love it, some people hate it... but if you're really looking for kinker sex this is an easy way to start!

2. Wear a sexy thong and choke him/her with it while you are fucking roughly. Enough said.

3. Wear a sexy thong and shove it in his or her mouth, then put your hand over their mouth. Ideally, when you are riding on top. Light bondage play is always fun, right?

4. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Basically anything can be considered a form of foreplay. Send a sexy text! Not like the ones that cosmo suggests which are ususally unrealistic & impractical... but something short and to the point such as "I can't wait to undress you" or "hurry home ;)". Send a half nude photo of yourself via text message. Get creative!

5. Talk dirty, or just talk at all for that matter. Silent sex is boring! Simply put your mouth near your partners ear, give it a ~nibble, and whisper "you are so fucking hot".

6. Fondle each other. Hm, fondle is a funny word... but really. Try just using your hands and mouth only. Skip POV sex and stick with oral, by the end you might end up just begging for sex.

7. Tease, tease, tease.

8. Eye contact. Lock eyes with your partner for an extended period of time while you are having sex. Very intimate and totally sexy :)

9. Masturbate in front of each other. Masturbation is an extremely personal act, doing it in front of/with each other breaks down a lot of boundaries and can be a beautiful (and beautifully sexy) bonding experience.

Try one, or all of these tips and you are in for a wild night!

Goodluck ;)

2011-01-24T08:43:00.000-08:00

I just made a twitter!
Follow me, lovers.

THE LOVE MONSTER

boobs

2011-01-05T16:51:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated entirely to boobs and their awesomeness. Big ones, Small ones, In between ones... I love them all.

how to be a good guy and treat a woman right pt.1

2011-01-04T22:04:00.000-08:00

1. Be yourself, not an image of yourself that you think she will like.
2. Be motivated and otherwise not a bum.
3. Smell nice.
4. Give genuine compliments when the time is right...women can spot a fake from a mile away so don't even try it.
5. Know how to have an in depth conversation, and don't get offended when someone doesn't agree with your views.
6. Treat her friends with respect even if you don't like them (family too).
7. Make an effort to impress her friends and family.
8. Don't degrade her, slut shame her, or engage in any sort of misogyny/sexism.
9. Go out of your way to spend time with her, don't act as if she is a burden or not as fun to hang out with as your friends.
10. Don't practice the "bros before hoes" ideology, its rude and not appealing.
11. Respect her boundaries. No means no (always), and maybe still means no.
12. Be chivalrous.
13. Spend time doing things that she likes (in addition to things that you like).
14. Never bring up her eating habits. Example: "wow, i didnt think you were going to eat that much!" bad,bad,bad.
15. Ask for her opinion, and care about her answer.
16. Treat her lovingly.
17. Don't kiss and tell. It's not kind.
18. Have goals and dreams.
19. Treat your family nicely, especially when in the company of the girl you are with. (Doing otherwise does not send a good message and just puts her in an awkward situation) *This has happened to me a few times and I hate it*
20. Don't be a sloppy drunk and don't turn into a total asshole when you drink.
21. Don't cheat, be honest.
22. Invite her to things.
23. Communicate!!!
24. Follow your instincts and do whats right.

Eek...

2011-01-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

I'm going to go ahead and apologize for all of the red X's and empty boxes that have replaced a bunch of the photos I've posted. I guess thats what I get for hotlinking. It'll all be fixed eventually... but for now, I'd consider The Love Monster to be ~under construction~ ;)

Formspring Q&A

2011-01-04T18:54:00.000-08:00

Do you think it's possible to be in love with someone but like another person?

Yes, this is absolutely possible and quite natural in my opinion. You can be completely head over heels in LOVE with one person, but have a crush on someone else. Its just important for you to not let your crush get any more serious to avoid jeopardizing your original relationship.

If you have any questions or want advice, please ask at http://formspring.me/kelseycaptolia ! :)

Saying Goodbye

2011-01-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

There really isn't a "perfect" way to say goodbye, is there? Because for me, it always hurts so much that I end up being really awkward and distant. Specifically, I'm talking about saying goodbye to Will. Being in a long distance relationship can tough and emotionally strenuous... after spending extended periods of time with someone, leaving is absolutely crushing. Today as I was leaving Will's house, I wanted to say so many things to him, and at the same time I wanted to say nothing at all. God, what the fuck am I supposed to say?! Thank you? I wish I didn't have to go? I feel like I'm having a limb torn off right now? Ugh. I just wanted him to beg me to stay, or SOMETHING! I wanted sad violin music to start playing and for the entire world to stop for a moment, but it didn't... and that isn't reality. Reality is, we hugged, kissed, said "I love you"... and that's it. He walked me to the car, I leaned in for a half hug, gave him a kiss on the cheek... then sat down and watched him walk away. As we pulled out of the driveway I looked out the window, waved, and smiled.

...until next time, my love.

Lessons Learned in 2010 part 1

2011-01-01T14:39:00.000-08:00

It's a new year, and I'm back! :)

For the record, I had a really great year and learned a lot of valuable lessons about love, womanhood, friendship, and life in general!

I'll share these lessons with you in a minute, but first I must wish you all a wonderful new year.

May the next 365 days bring you love, light, and prosperity!

Well, here we go...

1) Always choose to love.

Choosing to love is one of the most pivotal steps towards happiness. It's easy to hate and hold grudges, but it really takes a strong person to just LOVE. This can pertain to all sorts of situations; if you're taking a class that you aren't doing well in, refuse to resent the class; choose to love it... find something you like about it, and focus on that! This is relevant for friendships and relationships too, as its much easier to just give up or begin to hate certain aspects of your lover, friend, or relationship than it is to acknowledge what you dislike, communicate it, and choose to move past it in order to maintain love and harmony. Don't just let things slip, don't try to forget about your issues, don't push them away... actively transform your "hatred" into love and you're one step closer to happiness!

2) Things don't really matter all that much.

You might think that all of your problems and situations are real srs business, but in all actuality, they aren't. Most of the shit we spend our time worrying about during our day to day lives doesn't matter much, if at all! Take a few minutes just to sit and think about that... nothing matters! Every time you let yourself get stuck in the grasp of stress, envy, sadness, etc... try and remember that we are all just going to die and rot in the ground someday, so getting stressed out and angry is just really unproductive.

3) Think before you act.

Yeah, this one sounds really simple but it was actually one of the hardest for me to come to terms with.

Taking a little time to reflect upon your actions or words can really save you a lot of trouble in the long run. If you are about to make an impulsive decision, give yourself 30 seconds to just think about the consequences of that action and whether or not it is something you really want to do. These 30 seconds are imperative. Give yourself some time to think!

4) Binge drinking isn't that cool.

It's really not. Sure, drinking is fun sometimes, but a lot of people really take it overboard. Drinking usually leads to carelessness and stupidity whilst simultaneously making "the drunk" look like a fucking fool! So, chill out... no one cares about how much you puked last night/this morning and no one cares about all the dumb shit you did the night before.

5) Embrace change rather than deny it.

Loving someone isn't easy. It is complicated, emotional, and takes a lot of work. Especially in regards to long distance relationships. A lot of people my age just give the excuse that they are young and they need to ~spread their wings~ in order to find meaning in their life. However, being in a relationship can be just as enriching if both partners recognize that Death is a part of the evolution of every relationship. Yes, Death with a capital D. Relationships are not stagnant, you go through cycles and seasons just as you do throughout your own life. Things change, and parts of your relationship will die, there's no escaping that. But, along with every death comes new life... and the death of one "stage" can easily bring a brighter, deeper, more fulfilling chapter in the next!

Well, that's all for now :) I'll be back with a few more "lessons" within the next few days. Ciao!

Attention Readers!

2010-12-25T22:05:00.000-08:00

2011 will officially mark the re-birth of The Love Monster. With new ideas, a new perspective, and lots of great things to talk about, I think it's going to be a fabulous year!

Stick around ;) Oh, and Merry Christmas!

imboycrazy

2010-09-15T00:18:00.001-07:00

DUDE OF THE DAY: MORGAN KRANTZ!!! from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

Ahh I fucking love Alexi and this fabulous video.
This boy is so magical and cute, It is the most adorable thing in the world when guys are really into being in a relationship.
Inspiring much?

drunk

2010-09-13T22:33:00.000-07:00

Whats hard about being in a relationship is embracing death.
Death is a part of every single thing that we do, whether or not we choose to accept and embrace it.
A relationship is a cycle, as is everything in our lives.
With our partners, we go through cycles.

Bliss, happiness, comfort, acceptance, annoyance, love...

The blissful feelings we may have in the beginning of a relationship WILL die. We must accept it if we are to move on and grow. Every stage that we feel we have reached will eventually die. It is whether or not we accept this death, and embrace the growth that will result from this death, which decides our fate.

Does that make any sense?

Stop thinking that your relationship is going down hill just because it is changing, it isn't. You are growing. You are both growing. You are changing and maturing. Nothing is going to stay the same forever. Once you move past a certain stage in your relationship there is no going back. You realize that, dont you? You aren't the silly college kids who just met anymore. You know things about eachother, you've fallen in love. Your love may have changed from one of superficiality to one of spirituality, and you should be proud of that.

You may (will) have to sacrifice things for this love.
Can you handle that?

I didn't think I could.

If you really love somebody, you have to give up on your pickiness.
We are all human here.

Are you really looking for someone to love, or just someone to spend time with?

no one is perfect. Not him, not her, not you.

Just remember that everything is a cycle, including your love.

Things will be fine.

sometimes smiling just hurts too much

2010-09-12T10:30:00.001-07:00

2010-09-09T18:42:00.001-07:00

I'm so in love!

~swooon~

whatevs

2010-09-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

I really should be doing homework but I suppose I'll do a little update first.
I'm back at school and things are pretty great. I have my own room, which is amazing for several reasons.

A) I can be weird and no one is in here to judge me. I do the oddest things when I am alone, and I'm glad that I can just do them whenever I please!

B) I can't get sexiled. Awesome!

C) I can do it wherever I want, all over my room! I don't have to worry about a room mate walking in, I don't have to be nervous about being disrespectful because its my room and i can do whateva i want! :P

Theres more, but I'm feeling lazy.

Oh, and the incoming class of freshman is a total bore! Theres like, 1 cute boy. Its not even like I would ever do anything/talk to these hypothetical cute boys if they existed here, but it'd be nice to look at once in a while. But no, once again Green Mountain has succeeded in accepting only the freakiest freaks they can find. Oh well!

The girls on the other hand are really cute. Pretty, skinny little blondies. I love em!

The First Move (Written by Anonymous)

2010-08-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

The First Move.

Personally, I think one of the scariest things to do in the world is to tell someone who might not like you, that you in fact like them…like that. But after getting some advice from the Love Monster herself…I did it! And had amazing results. But before I tell you about that, let me tell you a little story about my two friends who we shall call Sally and Mike.

SO, my friend Sally was hanging out with this boy Mike who was really sweet and fun to be around. Sally and Mike had this amazing day together where they hiked in the woods and talked and generally just got along really well. At one point during the day, Sally really wanted mike to kiss her, but opportunities came and passed, and he never went for it. By the end of the day, Sally was confused and felt like maybe Mike didn’t like her in that way, and therefore backed off. A few nights later Sally and Mike hung out again, and Mike even stayed the night… in Sally’s bed…but still, nothing happened. In the morning, in a moment of extreme frustration and a little bit of cockiness, Sally said, “Mike, Are you gay? Why won’t you kiss me?” Mike, being a man completely comfortable with his sexuality, laughed and said “no, I am not gay” and finally kissed Sally flawlessly, on the lips.

Now Mike and Sally have been dating for almost an entire year, and have had some time to discuss the way their relationship began. Mike explained to Sally that a guys role in forming a new relationship is really hard, especially a guy who isn’t extremely self confident and wants to be respectful to women. Okay, so lets break it down: self confidence→ something that many people wish they have more of, is extremely important in making the first move. You have to be able to convince yourself that even if this person laughs in your face and calls you a fat ugly whore (which really should never happen because it should always be flattering when someone likes you), you will be just fine, because you really are an attractive, interesting, and wonderful person---WOAH that’s hard…for anyone!
Then respect→ so a good respectful guy is supposed to show you he wants you without crossing boundaries of friendship, being too forward, letting his dick make the moves, or making you feel uncomfortable… ummm difficult right?

So think about it…Mike is right. Society puts so much pressure on guys to make the first move, and honestly I have always assumed it was easier for them to do it for some reason, but the truth is - its not. Honestly, why didn’t Sally kiss Mike that day in the woods, if she wanted to kiss him so badly? Was it because she felt like he should make the first move? Or because she wasn’t sure he liked her? Whatever the reason, most girls’ feel like Sally did. I know I did and still do (sorry society has molded my brain). So is that right?

This summer I was so frustrated, I felt like there had been so many guys that I liked and had never had the balls (haha see that expression even fits this) to find out if they liked me. I was missing out on so many things just because I was worried about being turned down. So, I actually convinced myself (with some help from a couple friends) that it would be worse never to know if this guy I liked, liked me too, then to find out if he didn’t. So I finally told him I thought he was awesome and we should be better friends… LAME right? But you know what…it was enough…I put myself out there…and I can officially say—brace yourselves--I would do it again. This boy and I ended up hanging out, and having an amazing time…and as of now I talk to him several times a week. Even if nothing more ever happens between us, it was a successful experience for me, and gave me more confidence in myself. So honestly, women can vote, women can go to war, women can be CEO’s, women can be amazingly confident and sexy, and women can make the first move in a relationship.

Don't be so fucking boring!

2010-08-27T18:58:00.001-07:00

I'm serious about this. I've talked about this a billion times, its important! Being interesting isn't only important for future and current relationships, but your own well being too.

No one wants to date someone who is going to follow them around like a lost puppy. Get some hobbies for christ's sake! At least if you get dumped you'll have something to do to keep your mind off of it! Oh, JK. But really. One major downfall I had in a past relationship was letting go of everything that made ME awesome. Its like, I got so wrapped up in ~love~ and my relationship that I completely forgot that I have to worry about my SELF first. I didn't have anything to do besides sit around and mope, or hang out with my boyfriend (except we really never hung out) . Basically, I was a total fail for several months and I really regret it. Don't let it happen to you!!

I mean, would you like it if the ONLY thing your ~love interest~ wanted to do was hangout with you? Nothing else? Helllllll no.

Anyways, It feels good to do things for yourself. It really does. Its refreshing and its confidence boosting. Its like, holy fuck I am one badass bitch and I have all these amazing things to offer... who wouldn't want to be with me? Read some books, pickup cooking, learn how to fix cars (so hot), take a bellydancing class. (Thats what I did, and it was the best decision I've ever made!)

Don't let yourself get so wrapped up in someone else that you forget how wonderfully special YOU are (on your own!!) Trust me, it'll change the future of your relationships, your confidence, and your life.

Goodluck :) xoxo

~timeless love~

2010-08-20T17:11:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm on a bus headed towards Concord after spending a thousand hours traveling throughout NY and to Boston. I have spent like 9 fucking hours riding buses today and let me tell you its NOT FUN at all. First of all, I forgot food and water so my mouth is super dry and nasty... and I'm sure you really wanted to know that lol. But honestly, its the worst. I feel like my stomach acid is coming up through my mouth and creating the most terrible smell. I wish I could ask the girl next to me if my mouth smell is bothering her but instead I'll just cover my mouth and pretend this isnt happening.

The seats were really uncomfortable on the first two buses and there wasn't electricity to plug in my dead phone and laptop... boo! The worst part of it is that I couldn't sleep at allll during my trip. Why? Who knows, maybe it was the weird man from Europe who reached over me to grab his shit out of the top compartment like 20 times. Weiner right in my face each time... yep, I bet that was it.

Anyways, thats not even what this post is about. This post is about the cute old couple that was sitting near me. They actually weren't even THAT old, but totally old enough to have saggy boobs and balls and thats a sad story to me. But these people were so happy! I loved it! I am obsessive about age, which sucks since I can't do anything about it... and I always worry that I'm going to end up being really old, ugly, and alone someday. Who in their right mind would love me if I had deep wrinkles, couldn't get wet anymore and couldn't control my bowel movements? I dont know. What if he cheats on me with a woman my age now? What if he leaves me for some young seductress who only was his money?! What am I even talking about...

Oh yeah, this couple. They were the best. The guy was kinda chubby with really white hair, I bet he was like 70 years old. He was wearing boat shoes and cute shorts and a polo. She looked younger than him but not by much. Her hair was dark, her eyes were dark, and her skin was pale. She was really beautiful. I could tell that he really loved her, and that she really loved him. He couldn't take her hands off of her, and that was the most wonderful part! He kept grabbing her thigh and playing with her hair... holding her hand and scooting his body over so that his legs were touching hers. Gah! CUTE! I didn't pay much attention to her response or body language towards him, actually. She was quieter and more subtle than him, I'd say. But they were old, and they were happy, and they were attracted to eachother.... and that lit up my world for atleast 5 minutes!

Speaking of old couples, has anyone seen the film 'Bittersweet'? I can't find a trailer for it but its terribly sad and eye opening and powerful (and all about relationships) so I suggest that you all get on Netflix and watch the shit out of it.

I guess I'd better get back to my mindless internetting while I wait to get off the bus. Tootles.

And some old cuties for your time ;)...

not feelin myself

2010-08-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

Insecurity sucks. It really does. I'd consider myself to be a confident person I suppose, and apparently I come off that way to others... but like every other person I sometimes go through fits of madness and hysteria where I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. I'll examine myself and think "there is imperfection everywhere I look". And its crazy because I can't even stop looking. I'm definitely one of those people who looks at themselves a lot, anytime theres a mirror nearby you can bet that I'll stop to check up on my looks... but everything isn't as it may seem. I've sat in front of the mirror for 20 or more minutes just looking in disgust at my features. My big teeth, my round nose, my weird chin. I'll take my mascara and brush my eyelashes over and over again, trying to mask this face which I really don't want anyone else to look at...I'll wear my big sunglasses and black clothes. Anything to look less like myself. I'll come back home and sulk for a bit, listen to some sad songs, and in a flash its over and I feel fine about myself again. Why it happens? Who knows. Maybe its my hormones, maybe its something else...

All I know is, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel like this everyday.

Life advice from my campers

2010-08-16T19:43:00.000-07:00

This summer I worked at an all girls summer camp in Maine, the girls were mostly from the inner city areas of Mass, NY, and Rhode Island.
I asked some of the New York City girls to tell me what they thought about being a young female and the "rules" that they follow in order to be the most awesome ladies they can be, and here are some of their responses...

1. Respect yourself
2. Don't be too soft ( don't let people walk all over you )
3. Be honest
4. Don't do anything that you're not ready for.
5. Don't ever give a boy head, "you shouldn't have to go that low."
6. Be yourself.... don't jump through hoops to get people to notice you.
7. Don't go crazy and spill all your buisness over the internet. (Dont keep changing your relationship status every month to a different person and telling people what you're doing at every second of the day)
8. Smile, acting rude all the time doesn't make you look cute.
9. Don't brag about the "bad" things you do, like drinking or smoking or having sex with lots of people.
"No one cares and you ain't cool because of it.
10. Don't send boys your nude pictures!
11. "Acting depressed all the time isn't cool." The girls really stressed that constantly complaining and talking down about things was a big issue. People acting like they are "too cool" for things, calling them stupid, etc... so, don't do it! HAVE FUN!!!
12. Realize that the guys you grind all over at parties, are probably talkin' shit about you right after.

These girls were really awesome and all seemed to have great heads on their shoulders.
I doubt I would have said most of the things that they did, since I was probably guilty of a ton of them...
But I wonder what kind of advice I would have given when I was 13?
hmmm~

2010-08-15T11:57:00.001-07:00

"IT ALWAYS FASCINATED ME HOW PEOPLE GO FROM LOVING YOU MADLY TO NOTHING AT ALL, NOTHING. IT HURTS SO MUCH. WHEN I FEEL SOMEONE IS GOING TO LEAVE ME, I HAVE A TENDENCY TO BREAK UP FIRST BEFORE I GET TO HEAR THE WHOLE THING. HERE IT IS. ONE MORE, ONE LESS. ANOTHER WASTED LOVE STORY. I REALLY LOVE THIS ONE. WHEN I THINK THAT ITS OVER, THAT I’LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN LIKE THIS… WELL YES, I’LL BUMP INTO HIM, WE’LL MEET OUR NEW BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND, ACT AS IF WE HAD NEVER BEEN TOGETHER, THEN WE’LL SLOWLY THINK OF EACH OTHER LESS AND LESS UNTIL WE FORGET EACH OTHER COMPLETELY. ALMOST. ALWAYS THE SAME FOR ME. BREAK UP, BREAK DOWN. DRUNK UP, FOOL AROUND. MEET ONE GUY, THEN ANOTHER, FUCK AROUND. FORGET THE ONE AND ONLY. THEN AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF TOTAL EMPTINESS START AGAIN TO LOOK FOR TRUE LOVE, DESPERATELY LOOK EVERYWHERE AND AFTER TWO YEARS OF LONELINESS MEET A NEW LOVE AND SWEAR IT IS THE ONE, UNTIL THAT ONE IS GONE AS WELL."

-2 days in Paris

oldie but goodie

2010-08-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

This one's for you ladies!
If this doesn't get you wet, I don't know what will.
Oh wait.... no.

How not to look like a scumbag pt.1

2010-07-27T10:44:00.000-07:00

Tip your waiters/waitresses.

I can't even express the disgust I feel when people don't tip their waitresses at all. Like, you can't spare a couple dollars for someone who probably doesn't make much to begin with? Really?

I understand that if the service was shitty thats another story, but yesterday I went out to eat with a girl who was just rude as fuck. She is one of my friends, and she ended up eating the entire plate which she thought was delicious. She didn't even know if the waitress was good or not because she was on MY phone talking to people for literally the entire meal. I sat there and hoarded food to myself because I felt so fucking awkward eating my dinner practically by myself... The waitress came over several times to check up on us but every single time she was still chatting away on the phone.

When the meal was over, she was like... "I never give tips." And then proceeded to laugh as she shuffled through her cash that the waitress brought her for change.
I asked if she was serious and probably had a really shocked look on my face.
She told me that she just didn't care, and when I mentioned to her that it was what they made a living off of she said that it wasn't her problem and that they are still gonna "get a check" anyways.

oh, okay.

I ended up tipping the lady like 6 dollars for an 11 dollar meal because I would have felt like a total asshole letting her just get one half of a tip. Theres no better sign of someone stingy as hell as someone who doesn't tip.

Its crazy, shit like this completely changes my view on people. I don't think I could ever go out with this girl again because I was so damn embarassed, appauled, and annoyed at this situation. If you don't tip, don't go out.

Wait staff usually bust their asses all day to serve people their food....
and if you can't even see why giving a tip is polite and expected...

you're a cheap bitch!

Guest Post by 'Defeat'

2010-06-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

"Let me preface this by saying that my boyfriend and I are very shy. I have a hard time looking anyone in the eye and he is very quiet unless he's prodded into speaking. But somehow we found each other (okay, he found me) and have been very happy for almost 6 months now.

In our second month of dating, we had already taken our first trip together and lost our virginities to one another. It was sweet and awkward in that way that two people who have no idea what the hell they were doing can be. We didn't really talk about our “feelings” and spent most of our time talking about music and trying to make each other laugh. He had given me C. Ds of his music and old poetry zines he had made. We traded mixed C. Ds a few times and I gave him a journal for his birthday.

One day we were hanging out in his dorm room (we usually went there because he had a single and I had a roommate who didn't believe in knocking) and he caught sight of my little green diary in my purse. I carried it around with me because I liked writing down different things during the day and I have a horrible memory, so I write them down as soon as I think of them. He grabbed it quickly and I tried to wrestle it out of his hands, begging him not to look at it. I managed to get it out of his hands and buried it back into the dark abyss that is my bag. He tried for several minutes to convince me to let him read it and that's when I was hit with an idea. He admitted to having old journals but hadn't written in a long while, so I came up with a plan that would benefit us both: he could read my diary if I could read his old journals. We agreed and set a date for an exchange.

Writing in my diary became stilted and boring because I was worried about what he would think of my entries. This continued for a few days until I realized that I had nothing to worry about and I began to write my entries aimed directly at my boyfriend – I stopped referring to him as “him” or “he” and started using “you”. I wrote pages telling him everything, how I felt about our first date, things I liked that he did, things I didn't, and I came clean about things I never told him, like my disordered eating and social anxiety. One night, I wrote over 20 pages about everything I could think of. At the end of this long entry, I wrote a short explanation of what I wanted him to do and left him a few pages to write his reactions and answers to questions I had asked him.

I nervously handed it over to him the next day, an entire month earlier than the date we agreed to exchange on. I wanted to leave the room while he read it, but he forced me to stay and I watched him as he turned the pages. I watched as he pulled out a pen and scribbled his response, looking at me every once in a while. It was probably one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever done. He handed me the book once he was done and I flipped to what he wrote. I read it so quickly and then re-read it several more times. He had answered everything I had asked him and more. He told me about his family, his first kiss, his disappointments, his thoughts on our first time, and how he was truly happy with me.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't getting that great mushy, lovey feeling while writing this right now.

We began talking a lot more after this. A lot more. About everything now, not just music and dumb jokes. I wrote more and more and handed the book over to him two more times for him to read and respond to. The pages I'd left for him to write in grew – from four to six to ten. I told him I loved him for the first time in that book. He told me he loved me for the first time in that book. I told him things I could never verbalize and he responded likewise. I wrote about all the trips we've taken, the bands we've seen, the times we've fucked, and the people we've met.

We filled the book up in May and I left him ten pages to write in, which he did dutifully. I've re-read what he's written in there so many times that I've lost count. I've started a new book now and he's been itching to read it, but there isn't enough in there just yet. I write in it everyday, filling it with things I want him to know and things I want to share. He's let me read almost all of his old journals and if I hadn't destroyed all of my old diaries, I would let him read them too. I'm not saying that we don't keep secrets from each other, I'm sure there are a few, but when one of us feels ready to share them, we will. There's no pressure, no judgment, no rush."

Check out her blog~

http://historyofdefeat.blogspot.com/

gone!

2010-06-14T05:52:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!
Sadly, I'm going to be teaching photography at summercamp for the rest of the summer and will not be able to update regularly. I do have one guest post planned for a few weeks from now, but thats really all until I have some computer access.

So, The Love Monster is officially on a hiatus until further notice!
Please keep following me, I'll be back soon.
:)

~Kelsey~

ex marks the spot

2010-06-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

It's weird seeing exes, for me at least.

I'm not the type of person who can ever truly be friends with a past lover after we break up.

I just can't. It's so awkward. Too many things...

I'd rather just avoid that.
Can you really be friends with someone after a breakup if you were once truly in love?

WHY is it still weird?

Its been years since him and I dated.
Was it my fault? Am I the awkward one?
I don't try to be...

He was my first love.

It was high school.

We have both moved on and are obviously much happier now, but theres still awkwardness that I wish didn't exist.

He's getting married soon, and that's weird in itself.

It blows my mind that someone can mean so much to you at one point, and the next moment you look and realize that you are nothing more than acquaintances with history.

But thats life, right?

my pushup bra will help me get my man back

2010-06-09T22:11:00.001-07:00

Formspring Q&A

2010-06-08T20:38:00.000-07:00

shave or wax? Bald or trimmed?

depends on the bush, and the occasion!
i prefer ~trimmed~

My BF gets upset that i talk regularly close platonic guy friend. we dated 3 yrs ago briefly,no attraction, been friends since. bf doesnt believe we didnt have sex. its a mess. Is it ok to have close opposite gender friends when your in a relationship?

It really depends. If you are serious about the relationship with your boyfriend, than you have to consider his feelings... but make sure that he considers yours, too.

& Make sure that your level of "close" isn't crossing the line! Be upfront and honest about the things you and your friend do together and talk about... if you put everything out in the open, hopefully your boyfriend will take that into consideration and try to understand.

But, in my opinion... Yes, its okay to have a close friend of the opposite sex. But, your significant other should come first! Don't cross any boundaries, and be honest.
I can see why your boyfriend would be jealous, but if he really trusts you... he'll be understanding. If he doesn't trust you, maybe the relationship isn't worth it anyways!

This boy was flirting with me for awhile, but i guess it got old cause he's moved on to flirting with other girls..i'm so bad at being flirty/showing interest, even if i am interested, and i feel like i bore guys after awhile :( advice?

Some boys are just like that and theres not a lot you can do about it, but....
if he's flirting with you, he's going out of his way to show interest. Did you show it back? If you didn't, maybe he feels like its a lost cause.

To show interest but not be overwhelming...
eye contact, eye contact, eye contact. For real. This is a very strong indicator that you are attracted! Don't be creepy about it-- just an intense lock, a smile, then look away.

Be touchy but not harassey- brushing your shoulder against his, touching his hands at times that its not necessary, etc... be cute.... not creepy :)

and straight up tell him... send him a text with a smiley face... tell him you think hes cute. if you don't put yourself out there, you'll never get the results your looking for.

also- how can you tell if a guy is just messing with you or likes you for real?!

theres no real way to tell, boys are sly!
does he go out of his way to show you attention above all other girls? if he's the chronic flirt like you mentioned before-- its not likely that he's serious about you, unfortunately. But as I said, be straightforward... tell him what you think of him, ask him what he thinks!

so im a guy looking for a chica, i keep getting rejected, what advice would you have for attracting a gal. ive tried the whole be yourself thing and it hasn't really helped...

I'll possibly make an update on the love monster about this, but...

I would highly recommend online dating sites. They are great ways to network and potentially meet some great girls who are looking for the same thing as you. A lot of dating sites are expensive, but one that is free that you could try is http://www.plentyoffish.com

when you start talking to a girl, be yourself. don't be dishonest about who you are, make your priorities and intentions known!

Don't smother, be a douche, stalk, sexually harass, be a creep, talk about boring things... etc.
DO be a gentleman, do clean yourself up for dates, do PAY FOR HER ALL THE TIME, show her a good time.... be real, be outgoing, and that should do the trick.

let me know how it goes~
ps. a little cologne goes a long way!

what if i dont want to shave "down there" for a guy??

I think that's fine! Its your body, so its up to you. Actually, I think its kinda hot!

YOU MAKE ME TOUCH YOUR HANDS FOR STUPID REASONS

2010-06-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
A dramatic reading of a "real" breakup letter with tons of spelling and grammar mistakes.
This is hilarious.
A+

???

2010-06-04T14:40:00.000-07:00

Have a question?

Need some advice?

Want to recommend a topic for me to write about?

Let me know @ http://www.formspring.me/kelseycaptolia

or at The Love Monster page on Facebook!

lol

2010-06-02T22:03:00.001-07:00

who needs vibrating mascara?

2010-05-31T09:59:00.000-07:00

Best makeup tutorial ever? :)

your beautiful last day

2010-05-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

Today as I was browsing through my news feed on facebook, I realized that a girl I know just lost her boyfriend. Immediately after clicking on her page I read her statuses about how she was going to be having the toughest day of her life--as she has to "let her true love go to the angels", and about how he was an angel himself for donating his kidneys to two people who desperately needed them... I looked through her pictures and kind of stared at all of the ones of them together for a while. I really looked and admired and contemplated it all. I checked to see if he had ever commented on them, and on so many he had. He told her that she was beautiful, he told her he loved her... and they really did look so in love. In every picture they were smiling, they were touching, holding each other... its like they were just glowing. I felt kind of crazy actually, looking through these precious moments as if it was a part of MY life. Love is beautiful, and true love is magical. I can't even imagine having to suffer through such a loss...

Apparently he was riding his motorcycle on the way to work in the morning and ended up getting in a terrible accident, resulting in major brain damage. His brain swelled so badly they had to remove a piece of it so that it would even fit in his skull... I can barely comprehend how something so tragic can happen to someone so young and so beautiful. I read more and researched more and found out that before he died, as he was in his hospital bed, they married.. and in another status she wrote, "In the eyes of God Jonathon is my husband, and even though it's till death do us part, it won't end there. I'll feel him in my heart for ever. I love him so much."

"Our beautiful last day together."

And then I look through her pictures again... and realize that any day that could be me. That could be me and Will. That could be you and your loved one. That could be any of us really. Life and love are both beautiful and miraculous but when and how it ends is often times completely out of our hands. I thought about how often I get into silly meaningless fights with Will and how terrible it would be if I never saw him again after that. I mean, how often do we really take the time to recognize the fragility of life... how often do any of us truly show our appreciation for the loved ones in our lives. I'd say not often enough...

I looked through Megan's pictures and wall posts and cried my eyes out because something so beautiful and true should have more time. What if this happens to me, with anyone in my life...

I'm wide awake in Will's room, typing away as he sleeps. I keep looking over at him-- I want to wake him up and shower him with kisses on his cheeks and forehead just so he knows that even in the middle of the night, while he's sleeping these hours away, I just ache to be near him.

If I were to lose him tomorrow, or tonight... I know that I too would be missing out on the love of my life.

But at this moment, I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have him alive and only a few feet away from me... resting away until I can calm my nerves enough to join.

Will I be this lucky again tomorrow? Well, that's not up to me... but I hope we have more time.

This summer I'm going to write a letter to everyone I care for and tell them how much I love them and cherish them. I don't want to lose anyone, but if I must... or if I must go... I'd like for everyone to know how much they meant to me. I would challenge you to do the same. Just take a second to think about how lucky you are to be alive, and how lucky you are to be able to love and be in love. At the end of the day, thats all that matters, really. I hope that you will do what you can to truly show it, as we never know when our own beautiful last day will be.

How Things Went. Part 2: My First Kiss

2010-05-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

Whenever I hear people talk about their first kisses, I get a bit emotional and admittedly kind of resentful. My first kiss REALLY sucked. Most people can describe their first kiss as quite cute and innocent; something they will always remember fondly... a peck on the lips on the school bus on the way back from a field trip, the picture perfect moment while "I don't wanna miss a thing" is playing at your 8th grade school dance, or at the top of the Ferris wheel at the fair, looking out at the bright colorful lights and masses of people. Most first kisses are sweet. Most first kisses are something to smile about. Most first kisses aren't traumatizing. And most first kisses probably weren't like mine.

I was in my last year of middle school and had just turned thirteen a month prior. I didn't yet have boobs, I actually hadn't even started using real bras. I was 4'9" and probably 90lbs. My mom let me go out and sleep at my friend Ashley's, a girl I spent lots of time with. She was dark skinned and kinda chunky, she looked out for me and I acted as her little sidekick. We were both from poor families, lived in bad areas, and didn't quite ~relate to most of the other girls at school. Anyways, I was spending the night at her house.

I don't remember what we did that night really, just hang out and talk I guess. Until she invited her "boyfriend" over. His name was Bogdan, he was eighteen years old and dressed like eminem. I didn't think he was cute, and I actually didn't think it was okay that he was even dating my friend. She was only thirteen. At the end of the night, Ashley and I both fell asleep on the mattress from her pull out couch. I slept on the left side, and Ashley to the right- cradling her baby brother in her arms as she slept. Bogdan ended up staying over too. He layed on the love seat, right near the spot where I slept.

I woke up in the middle of the night to someone tugging at my shoulder. I turned around in a half awake stupor to see what was going on, and Bogdan quickly pressed his lips against mine and began to kiss me. His lips weren't warm, his mouth tasted stale. I didn't know if I should move my lips, I didn't have any idea what to do at all. I panicked. I remember feeling so afraid. Was he going to try and have sex with me? Was he going to take my clothes off?

He slipped his tongue in my mouth, and I pulled away. He said "You're really pretty, you know." And that was all he said.
I timidly told him, in as few words as possible, that it wasn't okay to do this and that Ashley would be devastated if she knew. I said sorry (for some reason)... and I turned around again to fall asleep.

That was my first kiss. But that's not the end of the story.

The next morning, one of Bogdan's friends showed up at Ashley's. We were both still "sleeping", but I was was actually woken up by the sound of the other kid coming in. He was wearing baggy sweat pants, and he was a bit overweight. I overheard Bogdan telling the other guy that he had made out with me, and that he "wished he could have gone a bit farther." He lifted the blanket off of my bottom half, and placed his hand on my ass. He said "not too bad for being so young, huh?" And they just continued to talk about it and laugh.

I felt like dying. "How could this be happening?" "What am I supposed to do??"

I ended up telling Ashley because I wanted her to know that I didn't think it was right, and that I didn't want it to happen. She was shocked and really unhappy about it, but ended up being more mad at me than anything.

The next week at school, I could feel people's eyes on me. I had made out with my best friend's boyfriend, I was a slut. I remember trying to approach Ashley to talk to her, but a boy named Ryan butted in and said "Go suck Bogdan off again, whore!" Ashley and the group of girls she was standing with just turned around and walked away laughing.
I don't think I ever even talked to her again after this, and why would I? My first kiss was one of the most traumatizing experiences in my life. I tried to do the right thing and ended up getting endlessly tortured for it in the end.

Now, it's whatever. But that is still fucked up. I had JUST turned thirteen. Months later, I ended up getting my real first kiss... but I barely even remember it.

Hmph, this is why preteen girls should be locked up in their rooms! Just kidding, but really... this isn't okay. I wish I would have said something to an adult so he would have atleast been talked to about it. This guy, who probably doesn't even know I exist... has taken up a part of my life, and my history, that I'll never be able to forget.

C'est la vie...

Facebook & Relationships

2010-05-15T00:41:00.000-07:00

Hmph. I've been feeling really uninspired and stressed out lately, which is why, as you may have noticed, I haven't been updating as regularly. But school is over and I'm home! So hopefully I'll have more time to write. Anyways, I apologize. :) ~please forgive me~

Since I declared myself a Communications major, I've learned a lot about the media and the way it affects real life human interaction. Not that it's something I hadn't noticed anyways, but it's just bizarre to really reflect upon the ways that the internet is changing your life and your social dynamic. Mmm...I think I've finally found my calling! Specifically, I'm fascinated by the ways that social networking sites can and alter relationships. In my experience, popular sites like Facebook and Myspace have more of a negative effect on relationships than a positive one. Theres a plehtora of reasons why social networking sites can cause major drama and fuckup a relationship, and I'll explain (or just rant about) a few that I think are really obvious/important to recognize.

1) Categorizing. Facebook places sooo much emphasis on categorizing your relationship, and this can cause a lot of issues! Must your relationship be "facebook official" in order for it to really, be official? There is a lot of pressure to define yourself as "being in a relationship" in order for the world to actually see you as being legitimate, and that sucks! What if your bf/gf doesn't want to change or reveal their relationship status? Does that mean he/she is too embarrassed/scared to let people know that you're dating? The pressure to become facebook official is pressing and can actually harm a relationship if both members of the couple aren't on the same page. Also, the categories Facebook provides are so specific. "In a relationship," "In a complicated relationship," "single", etc... what if you are just ~together, but not exactly dating? Do you still classify yourself as single? This can cause issues in itself, as if people see that you are single they are more likely to flirt, be inappropriate, etc. Fun fact: Apparently a popular Spanish social networking site allows people to define themselves as "sleeping together." So it would look like: Mary Martins is sleeping with Dave Smith. hah! As our cultural definitions about relationships are becoming more and more ambiguous, so should the options to choose from!

2)"Its complicated." Are you fucking kidding me? Why would you publicly announce to the world that your relationship is complicated? I get secondhand embarrassment whenever I see someone change their relationship status to this. I feel like the person who changes their status to this is just begging for people to comment and be like "oh noooo, what happened!? are you okay??" Ugh. When is telling the public that your relationship is complicated even appropriate in any other setting? I can't even think of another situation besides talking to your close friends.

3) Obsessively 'checking up'. It's really easy to spend hours on facebook and end up compulsively checking your ~partners profile over and over again. With all the time you spend trying to see what they are up to via their facebook page, you forget to actually call and catch up with them!

4) The urge to snoop. I'll be the first one to admit that snooping is definitely a temptation. In highschool I had suspicion that my boyfriend was cheating on me... numerous people had told me that it was true, and I wanted to see if I could find proof on his myspace. Well, I remembered that I had his password written down from a time where I was going to edit his page, and I ended up logging in on his account and checking his messages. My suspicion ended up being correct, and I found a message from the girl saying something like "so, kelsey found out huh?" But I still ended up being in the "wrong" because I went onto his page!
Your own facebook is a very personal thing. Your messages, requests, etc. say a lot about you. There is mystery behind your page and password, so its understandable that someone would feel the temptation to see what the other person is up to! Who are they talking to privately? What could they be hiding?
Is this an issue of trust? In some ways, yes. But in another way, its just an issue of curiosity and just honestly wanting to KNOW whats going on on the other side of the page.

5) Flirting. It's really easy to flirt over the internet, but its also really easy to misinterpret simple comments as flirtation since you can't hear the tone of it. I definitely think that this can be a big issue in relationships, as I personally know a lot of girls who dwell and obsess over simple comments that probably wouldn't have mattered if they were said in real life. I've definitely gone through this, seeing a boyfriend say "cute" or something on a girls picture has bothered me to no end. Even if it was intentional, innocent flirtation... over the internet its 100x amplified.

6) Facebook & Breakups. This just plain sucks! There's nothing that can make a person feel worse than going onto your recent ex's profile and seeing their wall flooded with flirty comments, happy statuses, and pictures of them partying and having a great time... especially if this is still during a period in which you are still heartbroken! I'm personally the craziest person ever when I get my heartbroken, and have gone so far as to a) delete my ex, b) untag pictures of us together so i dont have to look at them, c) delete all of their friends that i don't really know, d) go back as far as i feel as necessary, and delete any statuses about them. e) find a way to creep back onto their page and creep on any girl who he talks to. Yes, I did that. Its too easy to stalk over facebook. lol And like the picture above says, it causes nothing but anguish and misery in the end.

7) TMI. Facebook is all about TMI. Everytime I log on and scroll through my newsfeed, I'm flooded with it. I seriously question the sanity and intelligence of some of the people on my friends list based on their ridiculous statuses. WHY WOULD YOU POST THIS ON FACEBOOK? WTF, did facebook all of a sudden turn into livejournal?
Angela is 'sooo hearbroken! :'( I knew you were cheating on me I just didn't think it was with Laura! How could you???' I see things like this way too often, and the poster gets an automatic 'Hide'. I would be appalled if someone I was dating ever complained about our personal issues via facebook status, it shocks me that people are even okay with doing this!
Also, no one wants their pages flooded with silly statues about your ~lovebug~, once in a while is obviously fine... but is it really necessary to update about them every 15 minutes? Why are you updating your status that much anyways?
10:00pm- Melissa is 'Missin my boi!<3',
10:13pm-'Depressed. Can't wait to see the boy.'
10:50- Finally. Snuggling with the boy.<3
No, stop. No one cares about this!

How can this harm a relationship? Well, its pretty much letting the whole world in on personal thoughts and details about your relationship. No one needs to know how depressed you are about not being able to see your boyfriend, especially in every single status. In one way, if you're posting things like this you make yourself seem desperate and without a life. If your partner is okay with, or flattered by things like this... well, thats their choice, but it still isn't helping anything.

Basically, Facebook is great in that it allows you to 'socially network', but it can have detrimental effects on a relationship for numerous different reasons. Communicate, and don't be sketchy/secretive and that'll solve a lot of problems. Or, deactivate... if you dare!

yes please...

2010-05-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

babe of the week- Johnny Flynn

2010-04-29T16:27:00.000-07:00

Holy shit! I think i'm in love! Why hadn't I ever heard of this beautiful man before? And his voice... MmmMmMm.

Do not cough in front of xtina!

2010-04-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

hmm, I can't tell if shes joking.
my minds telling me no,
my hearts telling me yessssss.

what do you think?

2010-04-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

"How do you flirt? i'm hopeless."

2010-04-20T18:20:00.000-07:00

This question was asked on my formspring several weeks ago and I'm just finally getting around to answering it. You could Google search 'how to flirt' and I'm sure the only thing you'll find are lists of the same generic answers, but in my opinion, flirting can really mean anything. From an elongated glance, to a quick, friendly smile... its really up to you to determine whats flirtatious and whats not.

There are some *basic tricks* however, that one must know in order to master ~the art of flirtation~

and in order to even successfully do those things, you MUST have one thing...

The golden ticket of flirtation: Confidence.

Confidence, confidence, confidence. I cannot pressure enough how important it is to appear confident when trying to seduce, flirt with, mingle with, converse with, etc... someone you are interested in! Obviously the person who asked this question is not confident in their flirtation, but that's totally okay. Fake it till you make it! Even if you're not feeling very into yourself, no one else knows that. You can even trick yourself into thinking that you're at an all time self-esteem high.

When I'm feeling particularly un-confident, I check myself in the mirror before I go out and I tell myself "wow, you look really hot!" I know its a bit silly, but if you pick out all of the wonderfully amazing things about yourself, rather than all of the "bad things" you will have a much better and more *confident* day! I know its really not that easy, but then again... it kinda is. Have you read 'The Secret' yet? No? Well you totally should. With the law of attraction, you really can get anything you want. If you're focusing on all these negative parts of yourself, all these things you don't really like.. than thats all you're attracting! The ~universe~ will give you exactly what you are asking for, negativity and a negative image of yourself. But if you begin to take notice of even small things like how cute your fingernails look that day or how fresh your skin looks, you'll eventually start to radiate with positive energy and confidence! I will definitely write another post about this and elaborate, but for now... just try to remain confident, or at least appear to be; because the world WILL take notice!

(Click 'read more' to see the rest of the post!)

Okay, now to the fun stuff. HOW DO YOU FLIRT?

I'll begin with the ~basic tricks I mentioned earlier, all of which are quite easy and can take any average interaction to totally different level!

Eye contact- My friends and I have been talking about this a lot lately. About how much we love eye contact, and how important it can be when trying to make yourself noticed. Eye contact is probably the first thing I'd suggest to someone when attempting to catch another persons attention (on a level other than 'just friends.') Eye contact is very personal, which is why sooo many people are really intimidated by it! And the goal of flirting is to make it known that you are attracted to the other person, right? Well there's no better way to go than to maintain some prolonged eye contact. Its sexy, its intriguing, and anyone can do it. Don't be creepy about it though! Because STARING can make you look like a huge freakazoid and you don't want that. The 'make-eye contact-smile-look-away-look-back' thing seems to work nicely.ANOTHER aspect of eye contact is just maintaining eye contact while you're speaking to the person, it makes the conversation much more intimate and takes it to a deeper level!
Compliments- Small compliments can really go a long way. If there's someone you're crushing on, don't be scared to let them know some of the things you appreciate about them. I don't mean that you should flood them with weird and awkward compliments like "Wow, sometimes I can't help but drift off into the starry skies when I look into your beautiful eyes." lol ... but saying things like "That shirt looks really nice on you," or (if you're feeling daring) "I never noticed how long your eyelashes are... *cue smile and flirty eyes*" can be really effective and just plain nice. Don't be scared :)
Stray from the pack- If you're into a guy/girl at a party or social gathering... don't stick with your group of friends. This can be intimidating and will likely make you seem unapproachable. To show that you're interested... make ~eye contact~ with the person while you're in your group of friends, then go sit/stand by yourself (get a drink or whatever) alone, but kind of close to the person you are interested in. If you don't want to sit alone, only stand around with one other person. Hopefully this will be signal enough to them that they should come over and chat you up. If not, gather up some courage and go say hello yourself!
Touching. Okay, there's a very thin line between a flirtatious/innocent touch and being straight up creepy. I'd only suggest touching someone if you know that they are likely interested in you as well. But, what do I mean by touching? I don't mean grabbing onto someone forcefully, or creepily rubbing someones shoulders (like my boss does... ick), what I mean is just a quick graze... One of those ever so slight touches to the forearm, shoulder or wrist that leave both of you wanting more!
Touching... yourself. Huh? Don't be so sick minded! Touching your hair and face while speaking to are very subtle ways to show someone that you're interested. I don't mean flip your hair around frantically or rub yourself overly sexually, just graze your finger lightly over your lips or twirl your finger gently in your hair.
Act like you're the hottest chick in the room- Don't be rude or overly cocky, just put yourself in the mindset that you are the most beautiful princess at the party and everyone should want you!
Contact online- This is probably the easiest way to flirt with someone since the awkwardness of face to face interaction doesn't play a part. If you can't get yourself to make the first move in person-- find him/her on facebook, add them, and send a flirty (but not desperate) message. I don't recommend doing this on a regular basis since its quite impersonal. This should really only be the first step (or later on if you've already had some face to face interaction).
Talk quietly- not only is this just sexier anyways, if you talk quietly it'll make the other person have to get real close in order to hear you. Don't whisper... just a nice, soft tone.

I'll conclude this post with a list of things you SHOULDN'T do when going out/when trying to flirt:

wink... seriously!
lick your lips
show off your butt cleavage
be a sloppy drunken idiot
lick his/her ears.. again, seriously!
wear too much makeup
mention anything about relationships in general (what are you craazy?)
mention wanting to have children someday
act too desperate/obvious
be jealous/possessive
thrust your breasts outward
sit with your legs open

...this could be you! ;)

So I guess I did end up creating one of those cheesey lists myself, but its alright. Follow these and you should be well on your way towards being a fabulous flirting Queeeen (or King)! Good luck!

And remember, be confident... you're fabulous!

I said my neck, my back...

2010-04-08T22:26:00.001-07:00

Two totally different, but equally tantalizing perspectives on how to ~eat someone out.
; )

vs.

HAHA

dance, dance!

2010-04-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

Here are some of my favorite songs to dance to...
Mmm there is no real theme or anything, and they are in a random order; I love hip hop, dubstep, techno, electronica, whateverrr.
I found a dancable quality to all of the songs I'm about to post!
(you might have to click 'read more' for the videos to appear, sorry!)

6)

7)

8)

9)

10)

How low can you go?

2010-04-05T11:44:00.000-07:00

I love dancing almost as much as I love boys, and umm... that's as lot!

Am I any good at dancing? Naww, probably not; but is it a huge part of who I am?

Absolutely.

I was probably eight years old when I discovered my passion for music and dancing. My stepfather at the time was a hip-hop DJ who always encouraged me to listen to and love music. I lived in a not-so-great area of California where it wasn't really safe to go outside at times. So my sister and I would pass time by blasting all the different types of music we could find in his tape collection-- music from the disco era all the way up to early 90's hip-hop. We'd dance our little asses off to artists like Mark Morrison, Ini Kamozi, and Kriss Kross...talk about old school. We both had dark, medium length hair which we swung around like divas as we'd energetically leap off the ground over and over again while we listened to Kriss Kross's 'Jump, Jump" on repeat. This particular time we were both wearing HUGE white t's which hung dramatically off of our small bodies. See, I was already a G at such an early age! Anyways, We'd listen to the song over and over until we were too hot, sweaty and tired to continue.This is when my love affair with music and dancing began.

Not only was my stepfather a DJ, he was a drug addict too! Ahh, no, i'm not excited about that but I did totally love going to the Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous dances that he would put on every few months. I vividly remember one of the dances in particular, I had my eyes on one certain boy. He was dark skinned and probably close to nine years old; wearing cherry-red hightop basketball sneakers and a striped shirt...

He was dancing with some older girls who looked about twelve or thirteen. They were both blonde haired and tall. They had boobs too, unlike my premature self. "Wow, he looks so cool..." I thought as I enviously watched him groove along with those girls. I tried my hardest to impress him with my fabulous dance moves-- I jumped up and down waivin' my hands in the air as if I just didn't care, I shook my "hips" strongly from left to right; bobbing my head in tune with my hips, I attempted to crip walk and Harlem shake like my stepdad had taught me, and I even tried to slow it down a bit by just standing and moving my head along with the beat, but nothing I did caught his attention. Poor me! Well, the clock eventually stuck 9 O'Clock and it was time for this sad Cinderella to go home. I never saw that boy again.

But I still love to dance! My relationship with this art form has grown and matured tremendously since I was a child. I went from jumping in front of the television with my sister, to grindin' on D's at Middle School dances, to learning how to krump everyday afterschool with my best friend, to finally finding my place as a bellydancer. Dancing is that one constant that has never left my side.

I think that every person should take a little time to learn how to dance, because in my opinion-- your ability to let go and just be free (whether on a dancefloor, in the shower, or in front of the mirror in your own room) says a lot about who you are.

Don't be a wallflower! Let go for once and embrace the muuusic!

Current obsession- Wedges

2010-03-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

Mmmm... gimme these!

Mmm I love how stylish and modern wedges are, and they are a thousand times easier to walk in than regular heels. Honestly, I only started wearing heels about a year ago. I bought my ~first pair at a little boutique in Montreal and I fell in love with them instantly. Too bad I wore them to a rave and they totally massacred my feet! I've only worn them twice! I've bought several pairs since then and I loooove how they make me feel. After practicing and practicing, I actually really like walking in them now.

I believe that every girl should own a pair of heels-- and if you're intimidated by walking in them, or afraid that they will hurt your toesies... buy a pair of wedges. You won't regret it, trust me!

word to the wise

2010-03-25T19:44:00.001-07:00

DONT FALL ASLEEP WITH A THONG ON. IT WILL PUNISH YOUR BUTTCRACK IN THE MOST PAINFUL OF WAYS! TRUST ME!

umm...

2010-03-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

toss your misery out the door, what are you waiting for?

2010-03-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

Whenever I see one of my friends struggling in an unhappy relationship, my first thought is always along the lines of "well why don't they just break up then?" I mean, it sounds so simple doesn't it? If your unhappy with the way your relationship is progressing and it leaves you constantly unsatisfied and upset... then you should break it off. Easy peasey, problem solved.
...Right?

My last relationship was absolutely miserable. Sure it may have been great in the beginning, but it very rapidly transformed into a whirlwind of sadness and dissatisfaction. Practically every single day of my first semester of college I felt upset, alone and uncared for because ~~of the boy I was dating~~ I let myself turn into someone so weak and needy. The "strong" person I had always considered myself to be just completely slipped away. Instead of thinking things like "why isn't he telling me he loves me anymore?" or "why doesn't he want to see me?" I should have just pulled a Beyonce and walked away diva style.

But no, I let myself continue to feel hurt and ignored. Why didn't I just break it off when I had the chance? Ugh, Its just... not that easy. Change hurts, and breakups hurt worse.

So whats the point of this post again? Oh yeah...

My biggest regret when it comes to that relationship is letting it go so far, and letting my sadness manifest in the ways that it did. It kills me inside to see the friends that I love allow themselves to be treated so terribly by stupid boys. Words of advice guys, the small things really do count more than anything. I wish I would have realized that MY happiness is what needs to come first, and relationships later. I wish that all people in unhappy relationships would realize this too. Like I've said before, there was life before him/her and there will continue to be life after.

One of my friends recently advised me to make a pro's and con's list about things I'm struggling with. Coming up with a list of pros and cons may seem like a simple and unnecessary act but it really can give you a more realistic perspective of things. Do the negative things about your relationship outweigh the positive ones? If so... you may need to re-prioritize and do what you can to eliminate the negatives and make yourself feel good again.

All it comes down to is your choices. You aren't stuck.
You can either do nothing and remain miserable, try to work it out and fix the relationship (sometimes theres just nothing left to workout), or you can leave and move on with your life...

I just hope that you make the right choice.

xoxo

2010-03-21T21:39:00.000-07:00

The Love Monster is now on facebook!

Join the group :)

xoxo

guest post by Jesse Lane

2010-03-15T22:37:00.000-07:00

Ten minutes ago I was sitting on my porch smoking a Marlboro 100 with Joy Division playing softly on my iPod. I was thinking about that someone specific who I wish was there with me, and how badly I wish I could just climb into bed with her, watch a movie, and eventually fall asleep to the faint sound of the DVD menu playing over and over again. Instead I am wide awake and all alone, writing an entry for Kelsey’s blog.

Hi, my name is Jesse and incase you didn’t notice, I have finally found someone who makes me happy. I didn't exactly take my last break up very well... and after a year of excessive drinking and being an asshole to lots of girls who probably didn’t deserve it, I've found a reason to smile and be myself again.

I spend a majority of my time with her and she really does make me happy. The problem is that we aren’t actually “together”. I mean, we are but we aren’t. When we first started talking she had a boyfriend, and by the time I had actually developed feelings for her, she still had a boyfriend...Which, for obvious reasons, was kind of hard for me. As of right now, they've broken up. Its been a while since they broke up actually but shes still not ready to "officially" be in a relationship with me, which is what I've waited for and wanted for so long. I'm gonna wait it out.

Its currently 1:30am and we are in a fight, which is probably why I can't sleep. Actually I wouldn't really call it a fight... more like she had a bad day and is taking it all out on me, but I'm trying to stay optimistic. I keep telling myself that shes being this way because we are so close, but its hard not to take it to heart.

If anyone can relate to this then you know its a bit crazy and insanely frustrating, but sometimes it's just worth it. Right?

Wish me luck.

ya ya

2010-03-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

hello lovelies.

i got a formspring, so feel free to ask me questions and ~get to know me~

http://formspring.me/kelseycaptolia

Did you not get the memo?

2010-03-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

Why do girls continue to wear ridiculous ~hippie~ headbands across their foreheads?

Do they not know how ridiculous they look?! Sure, maybe they were "in season" like a year or more ago... but stop it already. This look is done. You look silly and unattractive with this thing on your head, and it makes your hair bunch up on top.

its not cute, and its not 1964...

oooverrrr it.

sexy redheads

2010-03-01T19:24:00.000-08:00

I've been coloring my hair since I was probably ten years old. I've had pretty much every hair color imaginable-- from blonde, to pink, to jet black... my hair has basically trecked across the entire color spectrum and back! My absolute favorite color has been RED though.

There's just something about having red hair that really ~sets you apart~. I mean, not many people can pull it off and still look fabulous! But some people can rock it so flawlessly, and when a bangin' redhead steps into the room... I'd notice her so much more than I would a hot blonde or brunette. Hmm...having red hair would make me feel so... sultry, firey... and just plain beautiful! But maybe that's just me..?

And I totally agree with the saying that redheads are usually crazy, because almost ALL of the ones I know really are. Being crazy isn't a bad thing in the right context, though ; )

As the old saying goes...~Red in the head means fire in the bed~

A little sexy time tip...

2010-02-25T21:51:00.000-08:00

If you have trouble with your gag reflex while going down on your "partner", try this!
With the hand you are not using to ~stroke his penis~, make a fist and squeeze your thumb tightly to the palm of your hand. Gag reflex= magically gone.
Yep, that's it!

bollywood

2010-02-24T14:18:00.000-08:00

Since I started bellydancing I've been really inspired by Indian/Bollywood style. And while I"m way more interested in traditional Indian style, I feel like "Bollywood" has taken traditional dress and modernized it in a way that I'm not sure whether I should hate or love. I can't help but be intrigued by it, but I do think that it's been completely over sexualized, making it seem... a bit tacky/gaudy. That being said, many of India's stars have totally represented their culture with grace, elegance and class; and are deserving of lots more recognition outside of movies such as Slumdog Millionare and the like.

One thing that I think is really cool-- is that in old India, female belly dancers only danced for other females! Women would have huge get togethers where they would just celebrate being female by dancing, eating and enjoying each others company. For entertainment the men would have other male dancers who would look and dress similar to females... interesting.

Anyways... for your time:

I love awesome commercials

2010-02-21T10:33:00.001-08:00

Well played, Old Spice, well played! .

do you even go here?

2010-02-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! My blog is now a couple months old, so I figure its about time to actually introduce myself :)

*drum-roll please*

As you may know by now, my name is Kelsey... but if I had it my way, my name would be something sexy and European like Anastasia, Francesca, or Zofia. Yess!

I'm ~~nineteen~~ twenty years old, and a sophomore at Green Mountain College. I have an idea of what I want to do with my life, but I'm pretty much just going with the flow of things. I'd like to do something along the lines of journalism or communications, but who really knows where I'll end up! ~Life is a journey~

Anyways, I grew up in Santa Maria, California... but eventually moved to New Hampshire. My favorite memories from childhood are ones where I'd roam around Santa Maria on my bike, exploring different places in the city and watching people on the streets. I was such a strange little kid.

I bellydance! Dancing has become a huge part of my life and I don't even know what I'd do without it. I used to be so insecure about my body, my stomach especially... but after I started dancing, I kind of... embraced and accepted the different parts of myself that I used to hate. For real! I believe that there's SO much more to femininity than being really skinny. I like women who just radiate beauty and confidence... like, its as if some women just glow. It's like their very essence is art! I want this for myself, so rather than picking myself apart, I've been trying to focus on my inner divinity or, the ~divine feminine.

I'm definitely not an only child, I have three younger sisters and one younger brother. All of them are absolutely amazing.

I dabble in both photography and writing. I'm not amazing at either, really... but I love them both! You can check out my photos here and some of my poetry/writing, here.

I am in an amazing relationship. Not to brag or anything, but at the moment it's pretty much perfect. ~~Read past if you don't like lovey dovey stuff.~~ I have adored Will from the first time I saw him, and that was months before we even talked. (lol i'm creepy) He is the best boyfriend everrrrr! He treats me kindly, we get along really well, we have lots of fun around each other, and he is just... beautiful. I love everything about being with him :)

Hmm, what else can I say without being too narcissistic? Or have I taken it too far already?

Whatevs. I'm a typical Scorpio and I'm absolutely obsessed with astrology. I'm obsessed with shopping but I'm always broke. I love being in love...and most of all I love being a girl!

Basically, I'm a really laid back and quiet person... with a lot to say.

Is what I have to say valuable? Meh, thats questionable. ; )

But thanks for reading anyways!

love.

2010-02-19T17:34:00.001-08:00

Notte Sento (English subtitles) from Daniele Napolitano on Vimeo.

"A girl misses her train to Milan and is set to wait overnight in Rome until dawn. However, a chance encounter with a guy changes her plans and the night lights of the capital turn into the background to a tender love story. An extraordinary chemistry made of knowing glances and small gestures fills the few instants that separate them both from the sunrise."

hay gurl hayyyy

2010-02-13T00:07:00.000-08:00

why i am awesome/why boys should want to date me

2010-02-12T23:50:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't at all consider myself to be a cocky person, and I'm not even that confident... but I do think that I am a great catch, and that means a lot. All girls should believe this to be true about themselves! You're all faaaabulous. ;) 

After my last ~breakup, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I deserve in a relationship and from a love interest. I think I deserve a great deal because umm... I'm awesome. Woo! Anyways, this entry is my personal *learning to love myself* post.

Why I'm awesome and why boys should want to date me: 

1) I'm pretty intelligent. Okay, okay... So I don't get the best grades, but my GPA does not reflect my level of intelligence at all. I love learning! I love conversation! I love thinking and figuring things out! I have many valid opinions and for the most part, I think reasonably and logically. But, I will be the first one to admit that I've had my fair share of blonde moments, but please don't let that dissuade you from thinking that I am worthy of being deemed intelligent. Pshhhttt.

2) I'm pretty. My boyfriend tells me that I'm pretty all the time, and I usually just respond with something negative or just say, "naaah." I don't even know why I do it. I'm not fishing for compliments, and I don't want him to become frustrated by my replies and never say it... but I have the hardest time just being like, "yeah you're right," or even saying thank you.  Whyyyy? I spent my entire life feeling more insecure than you could possibly imagine. Starting at the age of eight, my mom would look at me and tell me how much better of a body she had at my age, how I was too chubby and should go on a diet, and how bad my skin and hair looked.  Everything about my looks was under constant scrutiny from someone whose opinion I thought was very important, so of course I was going to have some issues with ~self esteem. I have big ass teeth, no lie. But I've grown into them and really quite like them! I say I don't, but I do. When I was in fifth grade, some girls in my class drew a picture of a beaver with huge teeth and titled it "Kelsey." They stuck it in my desk and glared at me with evil little smirks on their faces as they saw my mouth tremble from trying to hold back tears after I saw it. Girls are such bitches! Whatevs, those bitches are having babies n shit already anyways. But back to where I was going with this, I started out as such an ugly little slug. Big glasses, big teeth,  freckles, emaciated looking, pale skin, poor kid clothes... and now, well, I'm pretty much still all of those besides the skinny part and I'm more than okay with it. I don't wish to be anyone else. I can improve myself in certain areas, but I don't think its a necessity. I have a cute body and what I would consider to be a "pretty face." I like how I look, I like my style, yep... prettyyy :) I like being able to say that.

3)  I listen to good music. fuck yeah! I grew up with a DJ as a father figure. I was raised on old school hip hop, rap, funk, blues, tejano and everything in between. I have a broad taste, but the music that I like is  good. Sometimes I'll let a little Ke$ha or Miley Cyrus slip in there, but its only for dancing, I promise!

4) I'm a fantastic lover. What more can I really say? It's good shit! 

5) I'm strong.  Physically, I'm weak as hell... but in every other sense, I'm a very strong person. I've been through a whole mess of hardship in my lifetime (poverty, abandonment, addiction in the family, separation, blah blah) and yeah, I'm alright!I'm strong and I know that I'll have a good life no matter what. 

6) I am ~cool~. I am, I swear it! ;) Mostly I'm just laid back and easy to hangout with. But that totally constitutes "cool" in my books.

7) I am funny. kinda...lol not really

Now I'm tired and running out of things to say... so we'll end this here. 

10 steps to loving yourself: 

1. Stop all Criticism- Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself your changes are positive. 

2. Don’t Scare Yourself-Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure and immediately switch your thoughts to pleasant one’s. 

3.Be Gentle, Kind and Patient- treat yourself with patience, gentleness and kindness. Treat yourself as you would someone whom you loved. 

4. Be Kind to Your Mind-Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Gently change your thoughts to more loving ones. 

5. Praise Yourself-Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it. Tell yourself how well you are doing with everything. 

6. Support Yourself-Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it most. 

7.Be Loving to Your Negatives-Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new positive ways to fulfill those needs. Release the old patterns. 

8. Take Care of Your Body-Learn about nutrition.  What does your body need to have the optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. Cherish the temple you live in. 

9. Mirror Work-Look into your eyes often. Express the growing sense of love you feel for yourself. Forgive yourself for all as you look into the mirror. Once a day say “I love you” at yourself in the mirror. 

10. Do It Now-Don’t wait till you get well, lose weight or get a new job. Begin now, do the best you can.

Tis all! 

ps. http://operationbeautiful.com/

Creative date ideas...

2010-02-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

1. go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence
2. go to a major chain bookstore and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books
3. have her dress up as a ghost and you dress up us pacman. walk around downtown holding hands, and whenever anyone sees you two, pretend to be embarrassed, and run off screaming “wocka wocka wocka.”
4. create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen
5. dress up as superheroes and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”
6. build forts out of furniture and blankets and wage war with paper airplanes.
7. try and visit as many people as you can in one night and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can without them noticing.
8. go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.
9. write a piece of fiction together. outside at a cafe. ask strangers when you get stuck.
10. dress to the nines, pretend to be married, and test drive very expensive vehicles at an auto dealership.
11. do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. have an unabashed good time!
12. in the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. bring a sun umbrella.
13. drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. with fake names.
14. go to a minor league baseball game under the stars. tell each other stories about how bad you are at athletics. randomly cheer for both teams. eat lots of cracker jack.
15. go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things
16. walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras
17. with camera and pair of boots, make photo-log of a day in the life of the invisible man.
18. walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn
19, go to a restaurant and convince the cook to create something completely new for you.
20. rent a movie you’ve never seen before. set on mute and improvise dialogue.

I didn't write any of the above ideas, I found it somewhere online and clicked past before I could save it! Oops. Anyways, what do you think about them? I think a few of them are really cute, like going to a random athletic game and cheering on both teams, and the dressing up as a super hero thing! I've never been on a really ~creative date before so I'm intrigued. Do people actually do things like this, though?

Current obsession-Lace Accents

2010-02-07T23:33:00.000-08:00

When it comes to lace I feel like it's really hit or miss: you'll either end up looking really trashy, or absolutely sexy and fabulous. I think I could pull it off without looking tacky, and I'm totally digging black lace right now...especially since I've been trying to re-vamp my wardrobe and buy more ~mature pieces. I recently bought a "little black dress" with lace accents near the collar and I just adore it...!
Also, I've come to realize that I really don't have any sexy bras or undies. Boo, what kind of a girl am I?! Hmm... new goal for myself: buy less alcohol and more sexy, lace undergarments! ; )

are we breaking up? pt 2 (how to survive a split)

2010-02-01T23:56:00.000-08:00

It seems as though not many people have been fortunate enough to escape the inevitable wrath of a bad breakup... Sometimes these splits are mutual and uncomplicated, but often times breakups are rough and hard to cope with. Alas, there is hope! Having gone through a few terrible breakups myself; I can attest to the fact that though things may seem pretty unpromising at first, they will get better. There are just a few key things that you should keep in mind...

1) There was life before him, and there will most definitely be life after him.

After being with someone for a long period of time, they usually become part of your daily routine. Whether its waking up to a "good morning" text from that person, seeing them on a daily basis, or falling asleep only after they call... its important to remember that once upon a time; you were single, they weren't there to do these things for you, and you were fine. Post-heartbreak, its easy to make yourself believe that you will never get over these sad feelings, that you'll love this person forever, and that you will never be okay again... but there is life after love. Breakups have been happening since the beginning of mankind, so remember: you are not alone, unimaginable amounts of people have been through what you're feeling, and you will survive!

2) Its okay to cry!

I've never been the type to try to hide my emotions, but I've seen it happen a lot. In my opinion, its best to look at the end of a relationship like a death... because well, it really is. This part of your life is over, and its necessary for you to mourn the loss. So, spend a couple days watching sad movies and bawling your eyes out... get it out! Dress in black and write crappy poetry if you need to! It's not easy to just go out and start living your life again, so you need to give yourself this grief period to relieve your sadness. Just--don't dwell on the sad thoughts, accept the fact that it is truly over, and move on.

3) Don't be the crazy ex!

Oh man, been there.. done that. After my last breakup I would definitely consider myself the crazy ex. After some serious facebook stalking, I convinced myself that he indeed had another girlfriend just days after we had broken up and surely enough I added this girl, messaged her, obsessed over her pictures and how much "prettier she is" than me.. and continued to send him drawn out messages filled with anger and resentment. Do I now regret this? Most definitely. This is the advice I wish I had been given: talking to him/harassing/stalking/etc... won't change things, fix things, or make anything better at all. Once the sadness is gone its natural to just start feeling straight out angry, but you shouldn't let your rage get the best of you. When your head becomes less clouded with emotions, you don't wanna have to look back at what you've done and be ashamed of yourself. If you need to, deactivate your facebook account so you don't dwell on wall posts, old pictures, etc. If you don't trust yourself... tell a friend to change your password and not let you know what it is until a set date. Don't call, text, or harass your ex in any way... they are just people and nobody is perfect.

4) Get a hobby.

This little piece of advice probably helped me cope the most. I began bellydancing very soon after my last breakup and it was exactly the boost of confidence that I needed. Being broken up with is a major shot to the ego, so take this chance to discover some things that you're good at and that you love to do! If you've always wanted to paint, build rowboats, go fishing, dance, whatever; but never had the time, try it now. Rather than spending the time that you would usually be spending with that other person moping, do something constructive and get busy!

5) Embrace your loneliness.

It seems as though after splitting with your significant other, happy couples are just EVERYWHERE. From strangers, to your parents, to your dog... everyones gettin' action but you. This is where friends and family come into play. Its really helpful to spend lots of time with your closest family and your best friends... fill this gap that you're feeling inside with relationships more meaningful than romance. Gather up your best friends, go shopping, have a sleepover (doesn't matter how old you are), your friends are there for a reason.

6) Time heals everything.

I know that this sounds corny but its so true, time will heal all wounds. That's probably the last thing you want to hear when you're in the midst of depression but just think of it as a glimmer of hope. Healing is a process, and its not gonna happen overnight.

-- Get it all out, but don't dwell or obsess.

-- After some time goes by, find a total babe to spend some time with!

--Don't lead anyone on. If you're not over your ex make sure your intentions are clear when getting close to someone new.

--Don't drink!! This could result in very, very bad things. Trust me.

--Really, don't drink!

--If you do drink, make sure your friends hide your phone! Don't be silly and drunk dial or text!

--Exercise. Become to babe you want to be.

--Take things day to day. Don't worry about how you will feel a month from now, worry about how you feel today.

--Accept it, It really is over. Gather up his/her things and put them in a box. Throw it away, or put it somewhere out of sight. Letting go is really the hardest part.

--Watch lots of funny movies

--Make a "girl power" CD and play it when you're feeling down... hellooooo, Beyonce!

--Don't gossip about the other person.

--Smile. Think about it this way, it is incredible that you even have the ability to feel this deeply about someone. The more you feel, the more human you become.

--Use this as a learning opportunity. now you know what you do and don't want in your next relationship.Now you know what you should and shouldn't do if you ever have to go through it again.
--Being single IS NOT a curse! This is a wonderful time to go for your dreams and not have to worry about somebody else. So get dressed up, put ~your face on, go out dancing and celebrate the strong and beautiful person that you are.

Most importantly, stay strong and don't give up.

Its hard, but you'll get through it!

xoxo

kels

babe of the week

2010-01-31T22:19:00.000-08:00

Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Why?

Because an acquaintance of mine partied with him at the Sundance Film Festival, and I couldn't be more jealous!

Dying to know more? Of course you are!

Well, JGL is 28 years old and was born in Los Angeles, California.

He got a start on his acting career when he was six years old after an agent approached him after watching his performance in a play. Since then, he's been in a ton of great movies such as Brick, Manic, Mysterious Skin, 500 Days of summer, A River Runs Through It, and 10 Things I Hate About You.

While taking a break from acting to focus on education, he enrolled at Columbia University where he studied History, Literature and French Poetry...how hot is that?! Since then, He's become a self proclaimed Francophile (obsessed with french culture, history, politics, etc) and is an avid speaker of French language!

Hmm, I wonder what other french things he's good at? ; )

Basically, this boy is a 10 in my books!

What do you think?

are we breaking up? pt.1

2010-01-30T21:22:00.000-08:00

The first time I ever had my heart broken was one of the most miserable, pathetic times of my life. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and stayed in bed watching country music videos for two days straight. I couldn't even comprehend the feelings I was having. Like, WTF IS HAPPENING TO ME? I knew, logically, that I would feel better soon... that he wasn't really that cute anyways... and that this was just ~part of growing up; but being the emotional tornado that I was, I fuckin' balled my eyes out like it was the end of the world.

I absolutely dreaded the idea of having to go to school and potentially (without a doubt) running into him. Of course, I had to go.. and yes, I ran into him too. What I should have done is smile and walk away with my pride intact. But...what'd I do? Broke down into tears, turned around as quickly as I could, and headed to the bathroom where I'd spend the next half hour watching myself cry in the mirror.

But lets go back in time a bit here, why did we break up anyways? This boy was my first love, the one I lost my virginity to, my first for pretty much everything...I adored him! He was one of the "popular" guys...he played sports year round, got good grades, and came from a respectable religious family; while I was the weird new girl who dressed in black. We met at homecoming my freshman year; he approached me, told me his name, and we ended up sharing a dance that was a bit too promiscuous for anyone's liking. But what did I know? I was new! At my old school, people were all about bumpin' n grindin'. Anyways, as I was dippin' it low with this new cute boy... he asked me if I'd want to hang out again... and we did, and we totally hit it off.

Oh yeah, back to why we broke up. We dated for probably 7 months before we split (the first time). We were sitting on my front porch and he told me that we needed to talk. Blah, blah, blah... he told me a bunch of unimportant things that I don't remember, and one thing I do remember. "I am seventeen years old, I am sexually frustrated, and summer is coming."

As soon as those words came from his mouth, my face turned red and became drenched with tears. . His confession about sexual frustration and the fact that he just legit wanted to get laid over the summer was straight up TMI, and a total dick move. But pretty funny now that I think about it. Nevertheless, I totally flipped out. And he had the nerve to say, "I still want to be friends, though." Guys just don't get it sometimes. Infuriated, I stayed silent until he left. As soon as his car was out of sight, I just leaned against a wall and let my body fall to the ground. I cried, cried and cried... and after my three day country-music-sob-fest, I got over it...

You should too.

How Things Went. pt 1.

2010-01-24T23:39:00.000-08:00

We laid next to each other side by side, my back being pressed firmly against his chest. The television was on, and my family was fast asleep. The sky was dark blue. I was sixteen years old and we were all alone.

I could feel the warmth of his breath on the back of my head and the nape of my neck, while his fingers navigated through a sea of long, dirty blonde hair. There was so much tension between our bodies, but I wasn't ready. He kissed me like he always did, and I turned away, trying to focus on anything but him and what I knew was on his mind. His calm voice penetrated my eardrums, "if we don't do it now, we never will... don't you want to do this with your first love?" I did want to. "But this isn't the right moment..." I said. "I guess we're just not going to do it then." He told me. My young mind raced.

When I was eleven years old, I promised myself that I wouldn't have sex until I was at least sixteen years old... and after that, I had to be in love. There I was, sixteen years old and as crazy as could be about this boy. I really did love him. "Okay, I want to..." I confessed to him hesitantly. If I'm going to lose my virginity to someone, it might as well be him. I slowly pulled my pants down to my ankles, we never bothered to completely take them off. He unzipped his jeans, pulled down his boxers, and tightly grabbed ahold of my nervous body. We arranged ourselves in a way that wouldn't make much noise and didn't require a lot of movement... then he pressed himself into me. "I can't believe this is happening," i thought. ~~Instant regret.~~ It didn't hurt so much, it was more shocking than anything. I thought it was supposed to feel good? Am I bleeding? Am I supposed to be doing something? He was inside of me for just seconds before he removed himself and said "thats good enough for now...we don't want to get caught."

And it was over.

xoxo
kels

She got a donk'

2010-01-18T21:58:00.000-08:00

she's a whooty, a white girl witha booty 
i know this girl named melissa and her ass the soffest tissue 
she got everybody hatin' cuz her booty is official 
i say "whooty" they say "whooty?" i say "white girl wit a booty" 
and it seem like when i look around it's contagious like the cootie 
im talkin 36, 24, 48 
her last boyfriend left her back at home cuz he thought she was overweight 
you ain't gotta put no d's on it 
i jus wanna squeeze on it.   

I've been jealous of big bootie girls since the good ole days of wearing sweatpants with words like "flirt" and "hottie" written across the ass. 

Example:

But these days weren't pleasant ones for me. Why ? Well, because I am in no way a whooty, and definitely wasn't back then. My ass is flatter than a lake without wind, and I'm barely exaggerating.  Middle school was about the time that these ass emphasizing pants really took off in popularity, and middle school was also a time where most people I knew began to embrace different aspects of "hip hop culture," and a bangin' but was a total necessity. The boys in my school used to "make" the girls stand in a line and turn around so they could judge their asses by how nice they were. And of course, the horny little preteen girls always obliged. Who knows, maybe I would have participated too if I was ~invited. I can remember one boy approaching the circle of girls that I was standing with and asking them if he could "check out their jeans..." which really meant, take a good look at their behinds. Before the girls could even react, he smugly said, "Uhh, but not you Kelsey...you're already out."  o ok. My friends all laughed at me and continued to giggle about how cute that boy was while turning around and lifting up their matching Limited*Too windbreaker jackets so that the boy and his friends could judge their butts. Keep in mind, I went to a semi urban school at this time and these kids really had no shame. Slappin and grabbin' asses was no big thing. Maybe its a good thing that I didn't have much of a butt though, seeing as most of my old big bootie friends started having babies before high school was over....

sucks for you, bitches! 

But how does having a not-so-voluptuous ass effect my life currently?
Well, I don't look good in jeans without pockets, I could never be in a hip-hop music video, I can't "make it clap," and I cant "crank dat apple bottom," either.  That seems to be it though... but according to R&B singer Mario, a flat ass is a health risk, as he states in his song Boom, 
"I wanna see the women catching the wall
Unless she got that disease: no ass at all."


Damn, so what could a lady do to get herself a superfly backside?
Surgery is always an option! Yes, if you don't like your butt you should immediately go out and get implants. This will solve all of your self esteem issues. I mean, look at this chicks rear end after getting some fake cheeks put in...
Thats hot, right? Oh wait, no... its not. 

What it comes down to is, if your ass is flat... you've got nothin' to hide! High waisted jeans look better on you anyways, you dont have to struggle to put your pants on, and you don't have to worry about knocking things over when you walk around! Sweeeet. Although, it would be nice to have a LITTLE something there to make me look like less of a boy, but its alright. 


So basically, this post goes out to all the girls out there with flat butts. I feel you!


XOXO
KELS

The new Heidi?

2010-01-18T00:04:00.000-08:00

23 year old actress, Heidi Montag from MTV show The Hills, recently underwent ten plastic surgery procedures in one single day. Apparently she is on a quest to create the "perfect Heidi." She admitted to Star Magazine that she had been considering plastic surgery for many years and that she had become " beyond obsessed" with the idea of it... Heidi also confessed that she has had many issues with self esteem and that she used to consider herself to be the "frumpy looking best friend of Lauren Conrad."

After having a: nose job revision, chin reduction, mini brow lift, Botox in her forehead and frown area, fat injections in her cheeks, nasolabial folds and lips, neck liposuction, ear pinning, liposuction on her waist, hips, inner and outer thighs, buttock augmentation and breast augmentation revision, Heidi is still unclear as to whether or not she is done with plastic surgery for good...

Personally, I thought she was really cute before. Maybe she wasn't as naturally gorgeous as Lauren, but she was very pretty! I can't decide whether or not I like her new face better, she kind of looks like Joan Rivers... hmph. I guess Heidi felt as though her looks were keeping her from progressing in the music industry, which is her current aspiration in life.

Hm, Heidi Montag as a popstar? I had never heard any of her music, and after listening to one of her songs I've come to the conclusion that maybe its not her face thats the issue, maybe its her total lack of talent, skill and ability when it comes to anything to do with singing.

gag.

Heres a quote from Heidi...
“Whatever women need to do to feel sexy, they should do, I’ve always been very insecure about my body. My whole life, I looked at my chest and was like, OK, they’re going to grow. This is my year! And it never happened. I was less than an A-cup. I wore pushup bras, which cut into my skin. If I was with a guy and there was a girl next to me with big boobs, I would be like, Oh, my God, he’s looking at her! On the beach, if I was standing next to a girl with big boobs, I’d be like, I hate her! I hated my nose too. I have my dad’s nose, which is huge. It took up so much of my face, when I looked down, I could see my nose. I couldn’t get away from it!”

Call me old fashioned but I feel like there are definitely better ways to overcome your insecurity issues than going under the knife. I don't know if I'd ever consider plastic surgery, but then again I'm not trying to take on ~Hollywood. What is she saying to girls around the world? Don't like your nose... get it clipped. Not comfortable with your weight? Dont bother working out, get lipo!

All I can say is, if Heidi keeps obsessing over plastic surgery shes going to end up looking a lot like this in a few years...

Eek!

XOXO

KELS

Who knew?

2010-01-17T15:55:00.000-08:00

I promise that this blog wont be all about oral sex! This was just too good to pass up. I wonder if theres any truth behind this!?

xoxo

Whos got swagger?

2010-01-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

Jay-Z does!

Everything about Jay-Z screams confidence, power and sexuality;

from his voice, to his style, to his big-sexy lips... Jay Z is fiiiineee.

Not only is he a musical powerhouse, but he's bagged some of hip-hop's finest ladies such as Foxy Brown, Blu Cantrell, Trina, and as his big pimpin' days come to an end, The Queen of R&B, Beyonce.

I see you, Jay!

And I totally recommend checkin' out Jay's new video 'On To The Next One,' featuring Swizz Beatz.
This track is HOT! Tell me what you think.

XOXO
KELS

pants party pt. 2

2010-01-01T22:35:00.000-08:00

Cunnilingus, eating out, giving head, going down... Oral sex (on a female), no matter what you call it, should be a regular part of any intimate relationship. Why you ask? Because its awesome, it feels good, and it won't get you ( the lady) pregnant. But its all about the give and take. I've heard too many of my female friends complain about how their partners refuse to "go down" on them! Come on, guys! Its not often that a girl will completely turn down a guy when he wants oral, but what is it about a vagina that so many guys are afraid of? This mystical and scary female zone is totally worthy of some (lots) of attention.So I've broken it down to a few reasons why a guy might be turned off by the idea of giving oral to his lady.

1) Fear of not doing it right. I've heard from so many boys (notice...boys) that the only time they will go down on a girl is if they are drunk. This is craziness. For one, drunken sex can be totally fun but its also less meaningful and COORDINATED! You won't magically become good at giving oral after taking a few shots, trust me. Lapping and licking uncontrollably is unattractive and painfully unpleasurable. So, how do we resolve this? There is no step by step manual on how to give good head (well, there might be but that doesn't mean it will work), but if you are really interested in the desires of your partner then you should get to know their likes and dislikes. Ask her what she wants, what feels good, and how she wants it. Faster or slower? Fingers or no fingers? Communication is key. This will solve your problem. Don't be scared! She will be so impressed!

---if you really need help, take some tips from websites like these, it may help you feel less in the dark.

http://thepqnation.com/livingwicked/2009/05/wickeds-guide-to-ah-mazing-cunningulus/

2) He doesn't like the taste/smell. Ugh, please. If a woman is healthy and practices good hygine then her smell and taste are both totally normal and natural. While it may not taste like cotton candy or smell like freshly cut grass, neither does semen! And I'm pretty sure that not many guys truly enjoy the taste or smell of vodka/gin/whiskey or cheap beer either, but that doesn't put a damper on their willingness to binge drink as if alcohol was going out of style. What it comes down to is, guys who are completely unwilling to (atleast try and) service their ladies are selfish and undeserving of oral sex themselves !

3) He would rather just have sex. While its obvious that regular intercourse can be great, there is something to be said about oral. Females crave intimacy, and by going down on your woman, you're focusing your energy entirely on pleasing her...how much more intimate can you get? A friend told me that he feels a lot of satisfaction knowing that he's doing what he can to make his lady happy. It always feels good to help those in need, right? Plus, going down on her doesn't need to be the end of things, you could totally use this as a way to "pre-heat the oven!"

And ladies, don't be afraid to tell your guy what you want. Don't let yourself go feeling unfulfilled : )

Chivalry isn't dead, and certainly not in the bedroom.

XOXO KELS