condoms: strength over sexiness

Durex ad long version from Charlotte Rabate on Vimeo.

Now this is a good condom commercial. What I like about it is that it doesn't sexualize women in the way that most of them do- condoms don't need to be sexy, they just need to work. No one cares about the sexiest, tastiest condom... we care about protecting ourselves from pregnancy, STIs, and other menacing sexual complications. Bravo, Durex!

“I always say, never sleep with someone you wouldn’t want to be.”
—Lisa Chase Patterson

"Pay attention to whom you share your intimate energy with. Intimacy at this level intertwines your aural energy with the aural energy of the other person. These powerful connections, regardless of how insignificant you think they are, leave spiritual debris, particularly within people who do not practice any type of cleansing, physical, emotional or otherwise. The more you interact intimately with someone, the deeper the connection and the more of their aura is intertwined with yours.
Imagine the confused aura of someone who sleeps with multiple people and carries around these multiple energies? What they may not realize is that others can feel that energy which can repel positive energy and attract negative energy into your life."

detaching vs. fighting: ways to approach change


There is nothing more exhausting than constantly having to battle with your self. For me at least, it's like there are two different people with totally opposite viewpoints on life just fighting it out for the ruling decision. When I think about certain situations, like my relationships with others/my future/etc, my mind usually goes through this back and forth process of deciding whether to:

A) Just let go. Be buddha. Detach. Embrace your Aquarian moon. Realize that one cycle has ended and another is beginning. Nothing is truly in your control and you can't force it. This side of me realizes that life is sometimes sad, and that things don't always go my way, and by letting go and just moving forward you open yourself up to Authenticity and are therefore living a more meaningful and truthful life.

Is "letting go" an act of idleness? Passivity? I'm not sure. It certainly doesn't feel like it. Detaching is painful, and real.  You open yourself up to suffering and let it flow right through you.

or

B) Fix it. Try again. Rationalize. Talk it out. Work your scorpio magic. Do SOMETHING to keep things from changing. While this is certainly a more controlling side of my psyche, I don't hate it. I don't love it either. This dilemma is essentially a conflict of my spiritual beliefs. With paganism (for me), there is the idea that you can and should work to actively create change in your life, and I appreciate that... Things aren't just going to come to you, you have to ask for them and fight for them and make shit happen.

Aren't there exceptions? Aren't there people and places worth fighting for?

While I know deep down that option A is probably more honest,  I can't help but think that we have more control over our lives than we think, and that it isn't a bad thing to try and save the things we love. It's all very situational.

What it comes down to is, you have to be aware of the energy that surrounds the situation. Maybe surrounds isn't the right word, the energy that creates the situation is more like it. Every relationship, from relationships with people to relationships with places, has an energy. It fills you with something. What is this situation filling you with? At times I'm sure that you have felt the power of this energy in its most beautiful form, and maybe you still do... it's just important to stay aware of how this energy makes you feel.

Option A gives you the opportunity to let go of the energy and move towards something new, while option B gives you a chance to reorganize what already exists, mold it, and make it different.

It's up to you to decide whether or not to let go of a situation or to try and make things happen your way. Just know that you can't change the past no matter how often you think about it, and that sometimes those lovely feelings you've attributed to that person, place, or thing are gone and can't/won't exist as they were again. More importantly, don't allow yourself to struggle for people who won't struggle for you-- the best people in life aren't ones you have to chase.

xo

caring isnt uncool


Let me preface this post by saying that this is more of just a ramble than anything serious...it doesnt exactly relate to my life at the moment, it's just some thoughts that have been floating around my head recently. 

But really, caring isn't uncool. The idea that the less you care, the more ~cool and heady you are is just ridiculous to me. I'm so tired of hearing people be shamed for caring too deeply for others. Putting your whole heart into a relationship, or into another person, is one of the most beautiful and honest things you can do. While it is certainly scary, there is nothing wrong with caring. No, you aren't caring too much. There's no such thing. Love isn't a dirty word. Loving someone takes courage, and depth. Let yourself feel for other people. Being young isn't an excuse to just let people go. When there are people you love and care about in your life, make a real effort to keep them there. Loving half heartedly doesn't make you a better or stronger person.

 Just because you have the rest of your life to meet people, just because you can fall in love 1000 more times, doesn't mean that your relationships early in life are any less worthy of patience, effort, and time. Let yourself fall in love, and deeply. Let yourself be committed to one person, let yourself give up the ~i'm young and free and need to fuck a million people~ lifestyle. Or don't. Just don't let people put you down for being dedicated. I know that theres been a lot of talk about how in our society, relationships aren't meant to be monogamous or long lasting, and that theres no place for true love... but I don't believe it. I believe in the magick of the bond between two people who want to be with eachother. Our downfall is the illusion that we have all the time and choices in the world. Eventually, you will run out of time. Eventually, you might realize that after all this time the person you spent your life looking for is long gone. So love the one you're with tonight, and don't feel bad for loving them with all of your heart. :)

Never be ashamed of falling in love or of feeling hurt when the love is gone.


cycles, truth, authenticity


Somewhere between graduating college and turning twenty three, I’ve grown up. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it– I still sleep past noon on my days off and drink a bit more than I should, but I’m certainly growing.

I’ve been pushed out of the bubble, and in losing the connection with the place I called my home for four years, I’ve come to appreciate the momentariness of my life. The inevitable discomfort of time moving forward. The fleeting quality in everything I love. So much has disappeared already, and it only hurts when I let myself dwell on the fact that I’m not in control of it. So much pressure and sadness is alleviated when you just let go and let things run their course. Cherish the beginnings and middles, but when the time comes, let the end be the end. Even if it hurts.

Because some of the most beautiful parts of life aren’t meant to be there forever, and that doesn’t mean that they are any less important. When you allow yourself to experience the inevitability of “death”, an undeniable truth about yourself is revealed. It might take some time to realize it– but if you allow yourself to analyze your life honestly, and look back on every moment (or person)that has made you feel true and deep sadness, you will learn a truth about yourself. You’ll learn a lesson.

Why is this important?

We all spend so much of our time plugged in that we lose the connection with ourselves. Spending time alone and without the distraction of noise and overall business creates an uncomfortable pressure for most people. A pressure to be TRUE to yourself. Allowing cycles to begin and end as they should forces you to experience discomfort in order to show you something true. How beautiful is that? With all of the drama we create in our lives, all of the games we play trying to figure out if you’ve made the right decision or what life would be like if things just happened differently… we find little time and space for authenticity.

So start by taking off the blindfold that you willingly keep on yourself, and make it a priority to really pay attention to the decisions you make and beliefs you hold.  Be true to yourself, and respect the fact that everything dies… even if you don’t let go.

ps. the world works in a funny way– what you give is also what you get. if you’re putting out an energy that  is accepting of change and allows things to work out (or not work out) as they should, you will find new, exciting, and important people and experiences appearing everywhere.

Open yourself to truth and watch as the universe rewards you with its most beautiful gifts.

10 things i want my little sisters to know pt. 1


1. Boys really aren't the most important thing in the world. I know, hard to accept isn't it. Even I am struggling with that and I'm twenty two. Sometimes relationships can absolutely consume you, like that person is all you think about, all you care about, the only person you want to spend your time with. But really, in the long run, boys are going to come and go. So guard your heart when you have to, and don't let just anyone in, because some people really don't deserve the warmth of your smile or the depths of your heart. Be cautious with who you share your love with, because some won't hesitate to mistreat it.

2. Don't let anyone treat you less than how you deserve to be treated, and you deserve to be treated like queens. You're all angels. It tears me apart to imagine (and see) guys treating you badly; talking to you like you're worthless idiots, doing terrible things behind your back, publicly making fun of you, etc. Why are you letting this happen? Even in highschool, this isn't okay. Be with someone who thinks that you're the most wonderful girl they've ever met, and settle for nothing less. Be with someone who wakes up every morning with you on their mind and falls asleep wishing you were with them. Be with someone who actually cares about who you are; the things you love, the way you grew up, the way you think, what you think about, the way your heart works. Be with someone kind and genuine, someone who is truly themselves around not only you, but around their friends too. Don't settle, don't settle, don't settle. You're all so young, and theres someone out there just waiting to meet someone just like you. Wait for him, you'll know when you find him.

3. The right relationships aren't the ones you have to struggle for. Especially now. We aren't 30 or 40 years old, we don't have kids or businesses or a mortgage to worry about. If you have tried things with someone once, that is probably enough-- and there are a million reasons why you shouldn't get back together with someone it didn't work out with already. If you don't believe me, read this post. Even if it might hurt to let that person go, it might be the right decision, and you'll end up much happier in the long run. You've gotta let some people go in order to let new ones in :)

4. Realize how absolutely special you are. From your amazing sense of humor, to your beautiful faces, to the honesty in your laughs... you are spectacular. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Not a boy, not stupid girls bullying you, not some dumb twitter comment... nothing and no one should make you feel inferior. Don't feel like you have to be like anyone else-- you don't need to look how other girls do to be pretty, you dont have to be like them, you're unique and wonderful whatever way you choose to look. And you don't have to value the things that other people do either. If you'd rather stay in and watch anime and read books and dream about beautiful fantasy worlds than go to the mall and chase boys, do it and put your whole heart into it. Honestly, fuck everyone else! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about doing things that you love.  Every little decision you've made--mistakes included, have built the person you are, and you should embrace it. You're great! Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and remember that you are perfect the way that you are. You were born to make things happen, you were born to change the world, and you already have all of the tools necessary to do that. Keep growing, keep learning, but understand that its already within you-- the capacity to create something beautiful, the to change someones life, to make a difference. It's all there. You're beautiful.

5. Think before you speak, and think before you tweet. Your actions have consequences, and sometimes they are severe. Stop talking about people so much, stop gossiping, be someone that YOU would trust with your deepest secrets. Be someone that you would genuinely like to be around. Try not to say so many negative things about your life, the world, and the people around you-- instead, focus on the good things. When people gossip around you, or to you, instead of participating-- say something nice about that person, or change the subject. And remember that the people who gossip to you, will probably gossip about you. This goes for your online presence as well. Is the way you act online really how you want to be seen? Is that truly who you are?



6. You will have a lot of friends for a while, and eventually... you'll end up with just a few. This is a good thing. You don't need a lot of friends. A lot of friends usually means a lot of trouble. So hold on to the ones that are true to you. These are the people you should especially be kind to, don't betray them, don't hurt them, don't let them go. Even if your relationships change, true friendships will always be there, even if its been months (or years) since you've seen them. Your real friends are the people who know you inside and out, the people you can be completely yourself around, the people who have seen you break into not only tears of joy, but tears of sorrow too. They understand you, they love you, and they complete you. I have found this to be really important in my friendships-- that the people I've grown closest with are the people that shine in the qualities that I'm lacking in. Like, they represent parts of myself that I need to work on, they are the light to my darkness (and vice versa), they make me a better person. We balance eachother. Thats love, and thats true friendship. Find that, and settle for nothing less in a real friend.

7. Keep a journal, or some sort of record of your thoughts. Write a blog, keep a livejournal, keep a real journal, scribble your thoughts down onto a piece of paper-- whatever it is, write what you think and how you feel. It's nice to keep track of how you've grown as a person, but its also just cool to see how drastically things (emotions, relationships, etc) can change over time. Write down the things that you want, the person you want to be, the places you want to go. Write everything. Write your dreams, write about the boy you like, write about how mad at the world you are or about your favorite song and why you love it so much. Don't let your mind go to waste on facebook and instagram. Writing is a way to connect with yourself, to get to know yourself, and to channel your energy into something creative. It's fun, trust me :)

8. Listen to music that inspires you. Obviously its fun to blast the music from the top 40s charts when you're dancing with your friends, but I urge you to spend time looking for music that really makes you feel something. Find a song that makes you cry, read and analyze its lyrics, get to know it. Listen to it with your eyes closed, make it one of your closest friends. Find bands that you adore, and singers whose voices will lull you to sleep. Put on an artists radio and let it play through, you mind find something you've never heard and that you really love. Read artist biographies, get to know your music. Make playlists-- for moods, for people, for parties and trips--whatever you do, keep listening, because when other people aren't around, music will always be there to comfort you.

9. You're going to have your heartbroken, probably many times. If you're at all like me, and you fall for people with ~reckless abandon, you're gonna end up hurt, and thats okay. When you feel heartache, it deepens your soul. Like, when you watch a happy movie you may laugh a lot and leave thinking "well that was sweet," it doesn't really leave much of an impression on you. But when you watch a movie that touches you, that moves you and scares you and makes you feel sadness, there's something a little more special in that. You take something away from it that you wouldn't have otherwise. You allowed yourself to get close to the characters and feel for them... and it's the same in real life. You've allowed yourself to feel for someone, you've allowed yourself to love someone, and it's okay to be hurt by them. Obviously heartbreak sucks and when you're going through it, it might feel like there is literally nothing worse in the world that could happen, but you'll survive and you'll be a better more humble person because of it. And if you need some help getting over heartache, I hope this post helps you, even just a little bit.

10. You're never alone. Ever. There are people who love you and care about you and think about you every day. I'm one of those people, and I never want you to feel like you have no one to talk to or be there for you. Whether you're stressed about homework, or overall depressed about life-- I am here to comfort you, to talk to you, and to listen. Always. Even if we don't talk everyday. Even if I haven't seen you or talked to you in years. Even 10 years from now, know that at I am always loving you and always missing you with my whole heart. I'm only one call, text, or facebook message away. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p"> 
same goes to you jason xo





18 Things I Want~

Just like the hundreds of other bloggers who were inspired by that wonderful post on Thought Catalog, I too wanted to figure out... what do I want? If I could have anything at all, without worry of seeming shallow or superficial or whatever, what are the things that deep down, I'd like to have. So, off the top of my head, here's the list of 18 things I want right now! :)



1. To move to Philly
2. An awesome wardrobe with lots of boots, sweaters, and cute chunky rings.
3. To bellydance for the rest of my life.
4. A flat stomach.
5. To be someone that is actually interesting, inspiring, and unique... not just give off the ~vibe that I am.
6. The ability to point my finger at an item of clothing and make it mine.
7. My license and a cute little car with a bumper sticker that says "I'd rather be listening to hardcore." lol
8. A crystal ball.
9. To work for myself, doing something creative and internet related.
10. A moleskine notebook to pass back and forth between me and all of my closest friends, to write eachother notes and doodle and make collages of inside jokes and memories and such.
11. A fall wedding in vermont with maple syrup, a bluegrass band, and lots of  beer.
12. To spend dia de los muertos in Mexico.
13. A sphynx kitten.... I want this so badly!!!
14. To create a life where I don't have to constantly worry about money and debt.
15. To live a magickal life where I don't just let things happen to me and I actually work to create the life I live.
16. The ability to let go of emotionally draining attachments to people.
17. Closer relationships with my siblings, before it's too late or we're too distanced from eachother to ever form a real relationship.
18. An alcoholic faerie godmother to make me whatever drink I want, whenever I want.


Ha, what a list. Some other things that popped up in my head were... a leapord print comfy chair, the ability to ctrl+z my life, and my own personal soda machine.

Attachment


Attachment is strange. Even a completely emotionally draining situation can be hard to let go of. What I'm struggling with is-- at what point does trying and caring become worthless. When do you give up and let go? Do you have to let go of a person completely, or is there a way to trim back feelings and get rid of all the negativity of the past. Dwelling on the past and how great it was doesn't do anything, focusing all of your energy on the negativity doesn't solve anything either, and sometimes constantly trying to fix everything just... doesn't work, especially when you're the only one trying to fix it. When the water is too tainted, you've gotta let it go. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Nunu's Corner~ Wait it out.



It's always hard to get over someone you love-- whether it's a boy or a girl. Friendships and relationships don't always last a long time, which is exactly why you shouldn't just sleep with someone because he is technically you're "boyfriend." Sex comes with time, it's something a boy should have to earn. Even if you are officially in a relationship, he should prove himself (and his love). While he may be your boyfriend, to him, "girlfriend" could just be a title. He could be talking to and fuckin' a  bunch of girls, but coming home to you, while you tend to his every need.

While you're young, don't EVER give a boy your all because you will be left with nothing. You would be blinded by what you think is love and be robbed blind. You'll start depending on him to make you happy.
 Thats something you shouldn't want to happen .. that's something that should NEVER happen . You should receive what you put out , not get 50% back from 100% .

My best advice to girls is don't get too attached . Don't rush into things & don't force feelings that aren't present . Also, it may be hard to not catch feelings after you have sex with a boy but don't confuse lust with love. That's what many girls tend to do... catch feelings AFTER sex . For guys, sex is usually for pleasure while girls use it as a way to show a boy she loves them. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. TAKE YOUR TIME & DO NOT LET A BOY DEFINE YOUR HAPPINESS